The Recession Isn't All Bad

Whoever said that every cloud does not have a silver lining is a stupid cunt in my view. While we are all suffering in the current financial climate, (well I'm not, I have a relatively good job, tracker mortgage and didn't pay too much over the odds for my home), I am absolutely delighted to see some members of society are suffering more than others.

The first group of people that I take absolute pleasure in seeing dossing around the streets are taxi drivers. In my view taxi drivers are the scum of the earth, just above politicans who are the scum of the sub-earth. They are a bunch of pox ridden, foul smelling know-it-all's who have no discernible talent apart form being the new Dick Turpins of the highways. Who amongst us have not been robbed by one of these Aids ridden cunts. During the "boom" times in this country taxi drivers made so much money during the Christmas period that they could afford to take the entire month of January off and go on holidays. The one thing that they are supposed to be able to do, i.e. drive, they seem completely incapable of doing. Lanes, indicators, courtesy to other drivers are all foreign concepts to these cocksuckers. I hope you all die horribly in grisly car accidents you absolute cunts.

The second group to get a lash of the Celtic Recession are those purveyors of human misery, pub owners. Another group who during the boom time became absolute millionaires on the backs of people's greed and stupidity. Everytime a pub goes out of business in this country I have a little toast to myself.....using affordable beer purchased in a supermarket that tastes better than the cheap overpriced swill that passes for beer in Irish pubs.

The last group whom I personally would like to take a bottle of petrol to are the good people of Soundstore. If you're not Irish Soundstore is (again) a purveyor or cheap electronics at sky high prices. When I purchased my home a few years ago I had, like everyone else, to fit out the house with all the modern gadgets, i.e a fucking washing machine, toaster, t.v etc. I did my shopping in that kip that passes for a shop and my total bill came to two thousand, two hundred and twenty three euro and fifty cents. I should mention at this point that I had to purchase several tv cables at the same time and it was a cash transaction. When I asked the auld wagon would there be any discount for cash she just looked down her old, over made up nose and said "no". They wouldn't even throw in the cables. When I handed over the cash she said I didn't need to bother with the fifty cent. So for spending approximately half an hour with me I gave Soundstore enough money to pay this cunts wages for an entire month. Needless to say, I will never, ever ever spend another cent in that shithole. Everyone I meet I eventaully tell this story to and I encourage people not to spend any money there.

You may ask what side of the bed I got out of this morning. Well I write this article because over the course of the morning I have heard ad's for each of these scumbags (who minted it in the good times and forgot about delivering a fair customer service) and who now a on the skids bigtime. I have just one message for you, Rot in hell you fuckbags!!!

How Do You "Unfriend" Someone??

It seems today that everyone is obsessed with Facebook, or Friendpage as the IT Crowd hilariously lampooned it. It's become so mainstream that South Park recently devoted an episode to it. I must admit that I do not have a Facebook profile but recently, like Stan Marsh, find myself being pressured into getting one by friends and various interest groups. I must admit that in the past few weeks my resolve is beginning to weaken and I have become interested in what goes on within the walls of this community that I am (self) exiled from.



I understand that on Facebook you request to be someones "friend". Now as you may know I am not a "friendly" person. In fact the sight of other people generally gives me the liquid shits. And the very thought of interacting with other human beings puts me into a Howard Hughesesque state of apoplexy. The inevitable conclusion from accepting someone as a "friend" is that you can "unfriend" them if they, say, sleep with your wife, or shoot your dog, or fail to give you a sheaf of wheat on Farmville (or whatever the fuck people do on a virtual fucking farm)!.



This begs the question for me, how do you "unfriend" someone in real life. I was recently at a gathering (and before you ask, yes, it was a gathering of fucking people, not stones) and I made a cardinal error, for me, of acknowledging someones existence. It was a casual "how's it going" said more as a matter of course rather than any actual interest on my behalf as to the persons well being. I'm not sure who was more shocked by the exchange, me or him. We both continued on our way not a hundred per cent sure of what had just taken place. Now I find myself in the horrible situation of having to say "hello" everytime our paths cross.

I really did not want this. How the hell do I "unfriend" him. Can I take him aside and gently tell him I've made a horrible mistake and that he should never look in my direction again?? That seems slightly odd because it would be more words than I've ever said to him and in my attempt to "unfriend" him I may end up actually starting a conversation with him and getting on and becoming an actual friend. OR, what if he just looks at me blankly and asks who the fuck I am??

Ohh fuck this, why can't there by a button that I can click to just delete him from my list of friends!!! That's it, next time I see him I'm going to walk straight up to him and punch him in the fucking face...cunt!!

The Longest Day...

In anticipation of tomorrow's mid summer solstice, i.e the longest day of the year, in sunlight terms as opposed to actual units of time, I thought I'd post my thoughts on the subject. Well basically I don't have much to say on the declination of the earth into such a position as to allow a greater length of time spent in the sun's cancer giving rays. I would however like to point out that technically that if tomorrow (the 21st of June) is the longest day of the year, and it is, then Sunday must be imperceptibly shorter....else that would be the longest day too, or an even longer day. But it's not, tomorrow is the longest day. Anyway if Sunday is slightly shorter than Saturday, and it is, you will, like me, no doubt notice that the evenings are beginning to draw in. Soon we'll be back to dark evenings, wet lashing-out-of-the-sky days, horribly overcast grey manky mornings, depressing will-someone give-me-a-knife-so-I-can-end-it-all kind of afternoons, dark dreary fucking ennui-inspiring early evenings, oh God will someone stop the dark feelings......(ahem)so that's my thoughts on the whole longest day debate......have a nice weekend.

Talk Radio

Hello.....my name is Cubaboy and I'm addicted to talk radio......





I guess it all started when I was a young fella, like most young people I experimented when I was in secondary school, a little Gerry Ryan on a morning off, you know yourself. Then when I went to college it just seemed to be more freely available, and everyone seemed to be doing it. Call it peer pressure or maybe I just had too much time on my hands but what was just a recreational thing became a full blown addiction. I rarely made it into college before mid day (Ryan being on from nine until twelve) I managed to hide my secret and didn't let it affect my work. That was until one day I went to get my daily fix and Gerry Ryan wasn't available ( I think he was on holidays or something), all I was left with was Niall Prenderville on 96fm. I didn't want it at first but I needed something. Had I known then what I know now I would have run a mile.

At first I found Prenderville opinionated, annoying and the amount of breaks he took drove me mad, but the quality of provincial nutcase you got more than made up for it. In a short space of time I was hooked. Even when Ryan came back I just couldn't go back to listening to him, it just didn't give me the same buzz. I see now that Ryan was a gateway to harder talk radio.








My addiction grew from there until eventually the inevitable happened and I tried a little Joe Duffy. My first experience was wonderful, indescribable, to quote Trainspotting "think of the best sex you've ever had and multiple it by an thousand and you still don't come close". Some woman in Louth called Ethna had bought a suite of furniture and it hadn't arrived on time. By the time Joe was finished with the furniture company I was baying for blood. The exhilaration of the opening music, the ecstasy of the "good afternoon to you" in that flat Dublin working class accent, the way he can make the most meaningless incident seem like the end of the world, all left me wanting more!! The level of absolute stupidity from some of the cranks astounded me. The depths to which Joe will plumb to fill an hour of radio is incredible...and I loved it all. At the height of my addiction I was listening to up to eighteen hours of talk radio. I listen to The News on Radio One from seven to nine (with Cathal MaCuila), then Prendeville until twelve, then Joe for an hour, then Sean Moncrief on News Talk, then Matt Cooper's Last Word show on Today FM, then Eoin McDevit on Newstalk, once I even listened to Victor Barry on "Cork Talks Back" (Red FM) but even I couldn't handle the level of muck.

Well it had to come to an end eventually I suppose. I knew I'd hit rock bottom yesterday when I found myself listening to Derek Mooney and smiling to myself at his light entertainment afternoon show. I knew right there and then that I had a problem. Immediately I turned that radio off. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. How has it affected my life? Well I've been unable to motivate myself to find a proper job. since I left college I've worked in two well paid dead end jobs. Due to the easy availability of talk radio I just can't motivate myself to get back out there and find a more fulfilling job. Will I ever recover fully.....I don't know but with the help of God and the support of my friends and family I'm taking it one day at a time. Maybe one day I'll reach a happier place where I don't need talk radio.

Cubaboy's Revenge

If you read this blog regularly then you're probably like me, i.e. everything you try ends in abject failure and general ridicule. And so it was this weekend when I pitched up in London town to enter this years Tour de France. Who would have thought that you had to be a professional cyclist to enter their fancy dan cycling race. And who would have thought that you needed actual cycling gear to enter, I was dressed in a stained pair of Y fronts and a string vest...for aerodynamic like. And who would have thought that an almost 90% concentration of EPO in my blood would have been "illegal" and "possibly life threatening".

So after security robbed me of not only my chance to be the first completely 100% drug enhanced cyclist to win the Tour (hehe) but also of my Y fronts I made a decision. If I couldn't have any fun then by fuck nobody else was going to either!!! Now what I am about to relate probably didn't make it into any "mainstream" media, and you probably won't see any shaky footage on You Tube, but this is what happened.......

For my plan to succeed I needed some clothes. Security had my one and only pair of drawers and a crow had swindled me out of my string vest in a crooked poker game. What I needed was a costume, something that the world would remember, something distinctively Irish!!! So I robbed this old lad who must have been on his way to a fancy dress or something

I also needed to be fleet of foot for my plan to work so I did a quick jig to warm up.....

And then put my master plan into action.....

Net result....two broken collar bones, a skinned knee and a night in the nick....well worth the look on those French fuckers faces when I jumped the barriers!!!

Weekly Announcement...

Not a week seems to go by on BlogsByStephen where I'm not announcing some amazing news about my incredibly interesting life......and this week is no different. For you see friends, over the last few months I've been putting my body through an intense physical regime in order to complete in this year's Tour de France.

For years I've watched in amazement as these warriors on the road do battle over several thousand kilometers. I've sat transfixed as they steam up the mountains and whizz down the other side. Been awe struck at the technical ability involved in the final sprints. And been left literally speechless by the technology and pure physicality of the time trial. I know your probably saying "Cubaboy, you've proven yourself in pretty much every field of endeavour that man has too offer, why would you involve yourself in such a demanding undertaking?". The answer is simple my friends, by proving myself to be near to superhuman the likes of you can take inspiration from me.

Over the next month or so I will regularly update you with my progress in the event, including any stage wins I may have and hopefully come July 29 the maillot jeune on the Champs.

I've warmed up for this years Tour by taking part in a local criterium, Mallow-Kilavullen-Mallow, which I naturally won at a canter. I expect the tour to be slightly more demanding and will be counting on your messages of support. I've included a couple of pictures of me in action below.