Shit Actress + Flash Baps = Oscar

I watched the film The Constant Gardner the other night, I won't go into details about the film but suffice as to say it's about the little man standing up against big business and not as the title suggests a show about a feen who's obsessed by flowers. Afterwards I discussed the film with an associate of mine who had also seen the film. I opined that the film was ok but nothing special, my associate agreed and wondered how Rachel Weisz had received an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her performance. Well this set me thinking, not to say she didn't deserve the Oscar or anything, but it wasn't as stellar a performance as say when she appeared in The Mummy, or to a lesser extent The Mummy Returns.

Upon extensive investigation I have discovered that several mediocre actresses have won Oscars for seriously dodgy films over the past few years for merely exposing themselves. Shall we look at the evidence???

The aforemanetioned Ms Weisz got her milkers out in The Constant Gardner.....bang Oscar

Charlize Theron got the boys out in the 2003 film Monster.....Kapow Oscar

Hally Berry got the lot out in the 2001 film Monsters Ball........zapf Oscar

Angelina Jolie probably got her baps out in Girl Interupted.........ping pang Oscar

and finally and probably most dodgy of all Gwyneth Paltrow "stared" in Shakespeare in Love, horsed out her paps and........gazonga Oscar.


Next year I would like to see the following actress honored

Jessica Alba - Best Supporting Oscar
Scarlett Johansen - Best Actress
Eva Longhoria - Special Oscar For Services To The Film Community
Kate Hudson - BAFTA for Blonde Hair

Most Condescending Man In Ireland Named Head Of Road Safety Authority

THE most annoying, condescending man in Ireland was last night named head of the Road Safety Authority. Yes, the man everyone would like to shove a rusty shank into, and auld wan's favourite, Gay Byrne will soon be telling us what to do in that special pedantic way of his. The verteran broadcaster who himself has never sat a car driving test said yesterday "It is an outrage at the moment that there are upwards of 450,000 people driving on the roads of Ireland who are not entitled to do so", so presumably he'll be taking the taxi from now on. Byrne also admitted to "driving from the age of 14", which is also illegal (the legal age is 16). Mr Byrne has previously campaigned on the subject of peoples seeming inability to prounce their "S's" to his liking.

If I may be so bold I would like to question the appointment of someone who not only has no apparent qualifications for such a job or for that matter any right to actually drive legally on the road. But apart from all the pertinent facts there is no way in hell that anybody is going to take a blind bit of notice of that smug fucker. In fact the deaths on Irish road will probably skyrocket!!

Smug Fucker

Cubaboy Genuinely Blown Away By Apathy To Site

Well what a mediocre response to my last request I must say. Not since Fred West asked his kids who's next has there been such a low key response. Or maybe you want me to make good on my threat of posing nude next to common household goods, I suppose it would give you a better idea of girth anyway!!

Well having said all that the response was as good as I could have expected considering only two people (who don't come looking for nude pictures of Scarlet Johansen) actually visit this site. Your responses are welcome and some of are actually workable, why at this very minute I'm engaged in a major story concerning a well known military figure, which I shall bring to your ears as soon as I fugure out how to upload sounds.

All this has left me in a rather awkward position, for you see I predicted I'd get no responses and last evening I went out to my back garden and took hard core sex pictures!!! Now I must warn anyone who is under 18, of mild constitution or likely to get offended easily and go on the Joe Duffy/Niall Prenderville show and complain, THESE PICTURES ARE FUCKING RANCID!!!




Read on at your own peril

This is a picture of my compost bin, if you look closer you can see one of my balls

This is a picture of my garden shed, upon closer inspection you can see my big, hard tool

I NEED YOUR IDEA'S

As a loyal reader of this site I value your thoughts and suggestions, no matter how unworkable or downright idotic they may be. And it's in that vein that I would welcome your idea's on how to make this site all it can be!!!

Now I've toyed with the idea of inventing some mythical military internet persona for myself (see below), I've toyed with the idea of photoshopping celebreties heads onto porn stars bodies in suggestive positions, hell I've even contemplated doing some auld nonsense about Jesus, but to be honest I just don't have the imagination.

So starting tomorrow, in lieu of any better suggestions, I will start a feature called Steve's World, where I take pictures of inanimate objects around my house in the nude. Yes, objects, me, nude.
Graphic pictures which are guarenteed to turn the stomach of even the sickest pervert.

So if you don't want to be subjected to this fate worse than death enter my competition and win my old pc that I'm probably throwing out.




Me With My Head Horribly

Enlarged After Secret Military

Testing

The REAL Story Behind The Dublin Riots

A friend of mine in the alternative underground media sent this picture onto me today giving details surrounding the the real story behind the Dublin riots. You won't hear this story in any of the mainstream media due to collusion with sinister forces. I'm not one to spread panic among the masses but this shit's going to get heavy so if you have any loved ones kiss them goodbye and head for the hills as I am preparing to do this very afternoon. Goodbye and good luck, by fuck we're going to need it!!!!

Colonel Creedon Laid Low By Bird Flu

Colonel Ciaran Creedon was last night receiving treatment in a Cork hospital for a suspected case of Avian Influenza. Colonel Creedon is thought to be the first human to contract the disease in Western Europe. Details remain sketchy at the moment but it is theorized that the Colonel's Rice Krispies may have been poisoned by a member of a radical north Cork branch of Al Queda.














The Colonel In Happier Times

Little is known about the reclusive Colonel and self styled hardman. It is thought that he lives in a Castle in the Dillions Cross area of the North Inner City. This is the latest in a number of shocking revelations about the Colonel, only last month pictures were released of the Colonel sleeping in a hyperbollox chamber which he believes gives him "special" powers. It is also believed that the Colonel is a self publicising propagandist with several pictures of hime believed to be photoshoped.

This latest set back will not help the Colonel in his battle against the gathering forces in the North of the county with incursions already happening on a daily basis