Riots On The Streets Of The Capital

A special report from Ulick McCracken from the Mallafornia Tribune

There were riots in the streets of Mallaforia (the capital of North Cork) over the weekend following a missile strike by allied forces under the command of Colonel Creedon. All the missiles fell short of their targets apart from one stray missile which hit what was believed to be a Japanese Eye doctors office. Nobody was injured in the strike but hundreds of Japanese Eyes in Mallafornia may go untreated unless a quick solution can be found.














A Doctors office partially destroyed in the attack




The misile launch sparked riots in the provincial capital with many of the protestors calling for a Jihad against the ruling Cork City military junta.







The missile strikes were thought to be as a result of a failed suicide bomb attack in the western outskirts of Cork City last week when the suicide bomber failed to detonate his load.

My New Hobby

As a frequent visitor to this site you may already know that I have joined the Malafornia cell of Al Quieda. It all started inocently enough a few weeks ago when I was approached by an Islamic looking gentleman outside Super Valu on the main street asking if I was interested in seeing the world? Well as you know I'm a keen traveller (not the pavee kind thank you very much). Well we got to talking and decided to continue our comversation in the local mosque and it was there that I decided to become a Muslimist. I think what swung it for me was their ability to be offended by the simpliest of cartoons and their ability to raise a mob of screaming Arabs at a moments notice. I was also hugely impressed by their ability to get the words Happy Christmas banned in America and parts of England and they're objection to Santa Claus. The local Al Quieda leader Mahmoud said that if my first suicide mission works out good then there could be further opportunities down the line. I guess what I'm most pleased about is finally finding a group of people who seem to appreciate me for me. I mean I can say any kind of shit to them and they just mutter something in Arabic and then they all laugh uproariously. You know what? I really think this is going to work out

QC Data 2

As all three of you who intentionally read this page know once upon a time I worked in a shit hole called QC Data. In this magical place you had your usual mix of fuck ups, satan worshippers, hole lickers and a few decent enough people. I took shit in this place for three years. After working my hole off for two and a half of those years and after being passed over for several promotions I left and joined what I though was to a new dawn, in the guise of A*******. Ahhh, little did I know that I was going from the frying pan to the absolute fucking fire. Every bad thing that happened to me in QC has happened here except multipled by two. The management are twice (at least) as incompetent, the hole lickers are twice as pernicious and now to top it all they're offering the golden opportunity of secondement to a foreign office. Now as ye all know they've already picked the people that they want to go and they'll go through the show of offering it to everybody.

So I suppose what I'm asking for this week is suggestions in how best to kill forty people in a large ground floor office with five exits off the main production floor that will be as painfull as possible for the peole involved......not me obviously. My current plan is a dog shit and broken bottle bomb.

Frenzy Of Activity Since I Published Pictures Of Nude Celebreties

Since I published those naked pictures of Scarlet Johansen and Kiera Knightley my blog has been inundated with perverts the world through. As you can see from my diagram below the usual suspects feature highly (ie Us and Uk), but most surprisingly of all is the large rise in Middle Eastern perverts.







There may be a collerary between the rise of fundamentalist Islamism and the viewing of porn on t'internet....at least that's what I reckon. If you're a Jihadist and you wish to exercise your opinion please do.....or if your'e a pervert who's disappointed with the pictures please vent your frustration!!!!!

Naked Pictures Of Scarlett Johansen & Kiera Knightly

I think it would be remiss of me in the current political climate not to publish the above picture. I am publishing this picture not becaue I am poking fun at anyone's belief's, I am publishing to provoke debate and to protect my right to freedom of speech.

I believe that all cultures, be they Christian or Other, will come together over this picture and put other images aside in a spirit of togetherness.

I am also running a competition for contributors who possess other such pictures, be they photoshopped or otherwise to post said pictures.....all in the name of freedom of speech of course!!

Start A Nightclass In '06

It's that time of year again when there's a bit of a stretch in the evening and people are venturing out again and discovering the delights of a Spring evening stroll. It's also the time when your local secondary school starts enrollment for night classes such as "Macrame for Thelidamide's" and "Mould Appreciation For Beginners". Well not to be outdone I've decided to put something back into my community by running a "Self Offense" class.

Now I don't mean I teach you to go around and call yourself a Bollox and hit yourself, no, in my special ten week course I teach you the ancient art of Self Offense. During time I spent with a family of Irish Gypo's, or "pavees" as they like to be known, I learned the age old art of Self Offense. From the subtle Testicle Gouge to the more invasive Thumb In The Hole. Whether your just a beginner or a more advanced student I have a class to suit you. And Self Offense isn't just a physcial art, no, by simply not washing for several weeks and rolling in dog shit it's amazing just how many people will avoid you.

In these uncertain days when danger lurks around every corner you must be able to defend yourself and your family. Well what better form of defense than attack. Now Cubaboy's Self Offense (Tm) is menat to be used only in situations where it's absolutely necessary but I'm not too strict so if you want to run up behind an auld dear and give her my pattened running kick to the back of the knee then I won't be too bothered. In fact I'd encourage it, you never know when the aged will stop you on the street and attempt conversation. I'd like to see and auld biddy pass the time of day whilst grasping the part of her body where her knee used to be.

Classes begin at eight next Tuesday night in Mallow GAA hall. Students and OAP's need not apply and there's a concession for hot women in leotards.