Cubaboy Withdraws Affleck Murder Threat

After watching the steaming pile of monkey shit that was "Daredevil" I swore an oath, signed in my own shit, that if I ever met Ben Affleck in person that I would kick the living fuck out of him. Since that faithful night I've lulled myself to sleep dreaming of ever more exquisite ways in which I could inflict pain on this squared jawed arsehole.



So it was with trepidation that I rented "Gone Baby Gone" the other night. The film is directed by Affleck and stars his younger brother Casey. And in all honesty I have to say it's one of the best video rentals (dvd ain't made it's way to Malafornia yet!) I've seen in a long lonely time. The premise of the story evolves around the disappearance of a young girl from a negligent mother (one of the script writers is Madeline McCann's father) and is set in the seedy neighbourhoods of Boston.


The film is gritty, well written and fast paced and most surprisingly off all leaves you with a moral question which doesn't involve a red hot poker and Ben Affleck's hole. With solid performances from Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman this is one of the best films of the year. And in Casey Affleck the Affleck parents can be assured that they have at least one son who can act. If I gave out celestially based scoring systems I might be tempted to give this film seven stars out of ten. Most sites tend to go for the more traditionally based five star scoring system but only shit galaxies are made up of less than eight stars, are you listening Cassiopeia????

Anyway the upshot of this whole thing is that I have withdrawn my murder-murder pact with Ben Affleck. If I happen to meet him now I'll just flip him the v and and call him a wanker. I also learned that you need Cilit Bang to remove four year old shit stains from your bedroom wall.

Maria Bello In "Clothes On" Shocker

I had the extreme misfortune over the weekend to watch a film called The Jane Austen Book Club. Now don't ask me how I got myself into a situation where I had to watch this junk, or why I didn't simply put my own eyes out in order not to have to watch it, or why I simply didn't leave the room. The fact is I watched it. And never since The Devine Sisterhood of the Travelling Ya Ya Pants has there been such a sloppy pile of auld girlie shite. Anyways that's neither here nor there and I you probably could have guessed that the film wouldn't get a favourable review from me....or any other heterosexual fella around. I did however notice something quite amazing about this film.....Maria Bello was in it.....and she didn't take her clothes off.

I was absolutely shocked. This is the second film I've seen in recent weeks with Maria Bello in it that she didn't take her clothes off in. For an "actress" who is basically one (short) step above a porn actress, she's taken her clothes off that much in films, there's a disturbing trend emerging. If she's not careful she may have to act in order to get further work. Now don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a nude woman as much as the next fellow, but I've seen Maria Bello naked more ofter than I've seen myself naked!!!





For a change of pace I decided to do some research into one of my post's and looked up her biog on IMDb. I've seen her in quite a few films, not on purpose I might add, and out of the ones I've seen she's aired her wears in most of them. Here's a list:





Downloading Nancy - Self mutilating sex scenes - nice

Butterfly On A Wheel - She just about manages to keep her clothes on in this one

A History Of Violence - A nice 69 scene for all the family

The Cooler - She's "plays" a prostitute

Autofocus - Again balls naked



I heard through some colleagues that there are websites that contain lists of actors/actresses that have appeared nude in a film, they even contain the minute and second reference for the hairy palmed brigade. Well I've decided to set up the first website devoted to an actress keeping her clothes on. So here goes...





Maria Bello appeared with all her clothes on in The Jane Austen Book Club - reference:0:00:00 - 01:43:52

Preview Of: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

Well early reviews are in for the new Indiana Jones film and surprise sur-fucking-prise it's shit. "Ohh it's not as good as before"..."ohh the story is shit...snivel..snivel". I have one question, what did you expect from a bunch of old men??? With a combined age of over 180 years of age, Harrison Ford, George Lucas and Steven Speilberg have produced nothing worth watching since...well 19 years ago when they produced the last Indiana Jones film "The Last Crusade". Each of these men have left their most productive years well and truly behind them and are now only in it for the money.

And since when is the subsequent outings of any franchise better than the first?? Was the fourth Star Wars better than the first?? Was the second LOTR's better than the first??

Added to this, the fact that Indiana Jones films are very much of their time. Remember twenty years ago to fly from Ireland to England cost 500 quid, foreign travel was very much a dream for common folk. So places such as the Orient were places of mystery. Now every Tom, Dick and Harry's been to the most secluded parts of the world on their gap year. What I'm trying to say is we've lost our since of wonder. With the explosion of cheap travel and satellite documentary channels (as well as well written and informative blogs) nothing really amazes us anymore. The James Bond franchise was fallen foul of the same disease. It may have been acceptable to make action films in the sixties but these days they're making more and better action sequences with more and better technology and the producers just can't keep up with the competition.

In conclusion, go see the film or don't go see the film. Whatever you decide remember it's not going to whimsically transport you back to your fucking youth when everything was more simple, when the summers were always sunny and when your biggest worry was not having your homework done. You're a fucking adult, grow up!!

Sopranos Series Three

I had a right touch of good fortune over the weekend, which is strange when you consider that if I fell into a barrel of tits I'd probably come up holding my mickey. I went into my local Xtravision to rent whatever passes for entertainment as decided by overpaid, talent deficient Hollywood Executives when what did I spy but Series Three Sopranos for rent. Renting box sets has to be one of the best and most initiative ideas to hit the Irish home entertainment industry since the Beta Max tape. It allows enthusiast's to spend entire weekends watching wall to wall coverage of their favourite series including 24, The Simpsons, Lost, Family Guy, Futureama, etc. See here to locate your nearest store. Needless to say I have added Series three to my collection and all for the princely sum of 6 euro, as opposed to 40 here.

Happy Days!!