Cubaboy's Revenge

If you read this blog regularly then you're probably like me, i.e. everything you try ends in abject failure and general ridicule. And so it was this weekend when I pitched up in London town to enter this years Tour de France. Who would have thought that you had to be a professional cyclist to enter their fancy dan cycling race. And who would have thought that you needed actual cycling gear to enter, I was dressed in a stained pair of Y fronts and a string vest...for aerodynamic like. And who would have thought that an almost 90% concentration of EPO in my blood would have been "illegal" and "possibly life threatening".

So after security robbed me of not only my chance to be the first completely 100% drug enhanced cyclist to win the Tour (hehe) but also of my Y fronts I made a decision. If I couldn't have any fun then by fuck nobody else was going to either!!! Now what I am about to relate probably didn't make it into any "mainstream" media, and you probably won't see any shaky footage on You Tube, but this is what happened.......

For my plan to succeed I needed some clothes. Security had my one and only pair of drawers and a crow had swindled me out of my string vest in a crooked poker game. What I needed was a costume, something that the world would remember, something distinctively Irish!!! So I robbed this old lad who must have been on his way to a fancy dress or something

I also needed to be fleet of foot for my plan to work so I did a quick jig to warm up.....

And then put my master plan into action.....

Net result....two broken collar bones, a skinned knee and a night in the nick....well worth the look on those French fuckers faces when I jumped the barriers!!!

Weekly Announcement...

Not a week seems to go by on BlogsByStephen where I'm not announcing some amazing news about my incredibly interesting life......and this week is no different. For you see friends, over the last few months I've been putting my body through an intense physical regime in order to complete in this year's Tour de France.

For years I've watched in amazement as these warriors on the road do battle over several thousand kilometers. I've sat transfixed as they steam up the mountains and whizz down the other side. Been awe struck at the technical ability involved in the final sprints. And been left literally speechless by the technology and pure physicality of the time trial. I know your probably saying "Cubaboy, you've proven yourself in pretty much every field of endeavour that man has too offer, why would you involve yourself in such a demanding undertaking?". The answer is simple my friends, by proving myself to be near to superhuman the likes of you can take inspiration from me.

Over the next month or so I will regularly update you with my progress in the event, including any stage wins I may have and hopefully come July 29 the maillot jeune on the Champs.

I've warmed up for this years Tour by taking part in a local criterium, Mallow-Kilavullen-Mallow, which I naturally won at a canter. I expect the tour to be slightly more demanding and will be counting on your messages of support. I've included a couple of pictures of me in action below.