I am not a tolerant man. I am especially not tolerant of a state organisation that serves up stale shit and calls it pandy. The state organisation that's got on my tits this week is RTE (surprise surprise). You see RTE is an organisation in serious trouble. Faced with satellite channels with enormous budgets RTE has to spunk it's paltry, by comparison, budget on it's very limited talent pool, at the expense of any quality television. To this end when it chances upon someone who can generate a couple of extra ratings they whore that person out as much as they can.
Older readers will remember with fondness my absolute hatred for those abominations the Seoige's. Well there was a time when RTE literally could not have a television show without Grainne Seoige being on it. She had an afternoon show, she was on the bizarrely named "Ireland's Got Talent" and countless other light "entertainment" shows. Well the times, unlike Grainne's wardrobe, change and people got sick fucking shit of Grainne adding a throat full of phlegm to every Irish word she spoke, Christ I hate her. Well in a rare bit of me getting what I want I recently saw Grainne on The People of The Year Awards (honest to Christ but if you saw it on Fr Ted you split your hole laughing at a never ending collection of losers, both physical and mental) and by fuck is she after packing on the pounds. Her bingo wings are now so well developed that she could attempt a free fall from several miles and be guaranteed of a safe return to earth. As one wag put it, unless Grainne lays off the cakes she'll end up with diabetes, loose an arm and then she'll be a person of the year award recipient next year...fat cunt ( I added the last bit).
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| If you're fat know what angle to get a photo taken from...i.e. behind a fatter person |
Then after the nation tired of Grainne, RTE tried a big push on Kathryn Thomas. She had the ever popular (with spud munchers the length and breadth of the country) Winning Streak (of piss), she had The Voice of Ireland and then in what really was the cruelest joke Operation Transformation, where she patronised some fat fuckers into a inch of their drastically cut short lives. The show deserves a full post on its own but since nobody watched it a lot of the references just wouldn't be that funny.
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Kathryn Thomas...on a good day
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Well all this leads me to RTE's latest pathetic attempt to woo the improtant pre-teen, texting demographic with nobodys favourite cunt, Bressie. Bressie, or Neil Breslan as his parents call him, is a failed rugby player and musician and can currenlty be seen doing the chicken-in-a-basket circuit of Ireland's dingier cabarets...well I said he was a failed musician. This wank stain on the underpants of humanity first came to my attention when, like Grainne, he regularly appeared on Ray Foley's lunchtime show. This is where he got the nickname Bressie Now someone somewehere thinks that this long streak of piss has some form of Yodalike conduit to "young people" and what they like. He doesn't, in fact he knows nothing except what his producer tells him. So back to Neil Breslan, he like so many has-beens and never-gonna-bes before him has washed up on RTE's primtime television schedule. I mean don't get me wrong, the are, I'm sure, far worse than him on RTE, Ryan Tubridy for example, but does he need to be on every fucking show??? First it was The Voice of Ireland, now he's on this show The Gathering 2013, a show from what I can gather is about bringing the diaspora home. Why the fuck would anyone who escaped this miserable shithole want to return? To what, water taxes and unemployment?? Oh no, please take my sunkist life in Australia for a damp shithole n Mullingar, for fucks sake. Anyways, all this is my way of saying that we need to stop/kill Neil Bresslan. I can't take another show starring wrinkly auld cunts favourite "Bressie". And it s all a pathetic attempt to get more young wans watching RTE's shit television shows. I am personally offering a ten euro reward for Bressies bollocks stuffed in Bressies mouth and his carcass burned live on RTE's new reality show Celebrity Burnout.
