Disorder Affected by Season
Unless you've been imprisoned by your rapist father in a dungeon for the last week you will have noticed that we're getting somewhat of a hot spell. Greens up and down the land are crammed with children out playing ball, beaches are thronged with drunken youths doing donuts in their souped up punto's, ice cream vans are doing roaring trade and I'm fucking miserable.
It's not just the usual malcontent I feel towards fellow human beings, this is a more deeply felt ennui. Every child's scream of delight as it chases a ball seems to go right through me. Every smiling face enrages me. Every fat bird in her strapy top, corn beef arms and cankles turns my stomach.
I knew this just wasn't me so I decided to consult one of my medical journals. To my astonishment I have a very serious disorder call DAS (Disorder Affected by Season). Quite like SAD, DAS is far more prevalent than you may think and is thought to affect roughly one in every 6.5billion people worldwide. Symptoms can include a pain in the hole (figuratively not literally), downness of the mouth area, a ten percent increase in curmudgeonliness and murderous thoughts about those around you. If you feel any of these thoughts you may be suffering from DAS.
On the heels of my diagnosis I decided not to let DAS rule my life. I'm not going to be a victim, I'm going to be an example for all other DAS sufferers out there. It's to that end that I'm organising a fund raiser in my back garden this weekend. And all funds raised will go to sufferers of DAS. Unfortunately I cannot invite any people to the function since the very sight of people can turn me into a murderous rage, so if you would like to donate please send me an email with your bank details
It's not just the usual malcontent I feel towards fellow human beings, this is a more deeply felt ennui. Every child's scream of delight as it chases a ball seems to go right through me. Every smiling face enrages me. Every fat bird in her strapy top, corn beef arms and cankles turns my stomach.
I knew this just wasn't me so I decided to consult one of my medical journals. To my astonishment I have a very serious disorder call DAS (Disorder Affected by Season). Quite like SAD, DAS is far more prevalent than you may think and is thought to affect roughly one in every 6.5billion people worldwide. Symptoms can include a pain in the hole (figuratively not literally), downness of the mouth area, a ten percent increase in curmudgeonliness and murderous thoughts about those around you. If you feel any of these thoughts you may be suffering from DAS.
On the heels of my diagnosis I decided not to let DAS rule my life. I'm not going to be a victim, I'm going to be an example for all other DAS sufferers out there. It's to that end that I'm organising a fund raiser in my back garden this weekend. And all funds raised will go to sufferers of DAS. Unfortunately I cannot invite any people to the function since the very sight of people can turn me into a murderous rage, so if you would like to donate please send me an email with your bank details
Labels: hate, my illnesses, people
posted by Unknown at
14:57
2 Comments:
I've got MAD, Mentally Affected by other peoples Deppression. Thinking of you in the back garden tearing your pubes out to the rotating vision of cankles and corn beef food and muck shovels circling your mind makes me...well, smile. I'm gracefully reminded about how other peoples misery makes the sun shine and the clouds to gently fuck off for a while. Once again I renew my committment to makes the lives of other just that little more unbearable in my own special way. People like you StoolMan are heroes and a true role model, you make my life better because in the end, isn't that all that matters? Me
I couldn't agree with you more Quality Cunts, you are a Quality Cunt. Not one of the usual whingebags who frequents this site, but someone who's willing to tip in their twopenny bit, despite making absolutley no fucking sence. Are you one of those foriegn nationals I hear aboout on the Liveline show whose first language is not english?? Or are you, as I suspect, a conplete fucking slaphead?? Either way continue to enjoy my site and please feel free to go and fuck yourself !-)
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