Ancient Rocker And Internet Ne'r-Do Well To Launch Bid For Christmas No 1
Yes my friends myself and Sir Cliff Richard have combined our musical talents and have come up with a song which we hope will achieve the Christmas number one spot. The song will go on release worldwide tomorrow morning and can be bought at all good muscial despensing outlets. "A Christmas Wank" will (hopefully) be Cliff's seventh Christmas number one and will (hopefully) be my first. Cliff and meself first met on the sunny isle of Barbados when I was on holiday there last year. During a marathon drink and drug binge (in which I was merely an observer) the legendary God botherer happened to mention how tired he was of his "goody two shoes" image and wanted to "rip it up Robbie Williams style". When I mentioned that Robbie Williams was as likely to "rip it up" as I was of being voted world's most likeable fellow the wrinkly rocker seemed crestfallen. However I agreed to help him and after minutes of effort we came up the catchy title for our song.
Cliff Now Has To Wear Plastic Pants On Stage........Sad
So now it's up to you gentle reader. I urge you go to your music stores and request "A Christmas Wank" form the girl behind the counter. And hopefully it'll be a white Christmas for us all!!
Me and Cliff "Jammin"
Cliff invited me back to his pad (which had a disturbing over abundance of pool boys!!!) and we got to work. Over the following days we put together what will possibly be THE greatest Christmas song of all time. "I really want to keep those Westlife shitbags off No 1 this year, they really get on my tits" Cliff told me, "as for that JCB song, fuck me....a song about a digger...what next.......in my day we sang about holding a girls hand and what have you".
Cliff Now Has To Wear Plastic Pants On Stage........Sad
So now it's up to you gentle reader. I urge you go to your music stores and request "A Christmas Wank" form the girl behind the counter. And hopefully it'll be a white Christmas for us all!!
posted by Unknown at
12:35
8 Comments:
The strangest thing happened to me today. When I went into my local music store and requested "A Christmas Wank", not only did the girl behind the counter slap me across the face, but the security guards escorted me out of the store. Let me tell you, I'm going to be sore for days, what with the "door knobs in a sack" beating I was subjected to. Not what I expected at all.
That's disgraceful. that music store musn't have been one of th many approved outlets which stock my single. I urge you, and everyone else, to keep asking for A Christmas Wank until you get it.
Let's make A Christmas Wank number one this year.
Can you provide me with a list of approved vendors so I can happily avoid another such experience?
Can I have a Christmas wank from you?
I forgot "..a copy of". Didn't I?
Knowing your record (the infamous butthole scandal, the 'rear invasion', and your interfering with other privates privates), you meant what you said in the 1st version. You wierdo, we're on about cubaboys (soon to be) christmas hit, and here you are, lowering the tone :-)
There's no way ANYTHING I say here could ever lower the tone of this blog. I can try but it's one mission I could never accomplish.
Ha! I hear you successfully accomplished many a rear invasion in your day, eh Colonel?
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