blogsbystephen

Sex Sat Nav

2010-07-30T10:10:00.006+01:00

I recently came into possession of a Garmin Nuvi 765T satellite navigation device. This sat nav unit does everything that you can imagine a sat nav can do and more. It has lane assist, 3-d buildings, blue tooth so you can make hands free calls, the ability to store mp3 files so you can play music or audio books, you can even put pictures on it to view while driving if paying attention to the road gets too much for you (if you want a more eloquent review of what this gizmo does then go here). You may think that a sat nav unit is not the best present for someone who never goes anywhere but that's neither here nor there. In fact this week alone I have used the unit to navigate my way too and from work....a journey I have made everyday for the last ten years (and it still wanted me to take the main roads all the way!!!!!).

Anyways, it was on one of these too-and-from-work journey's that I had my eureka moment. What could make a romantic evening more special than a robotic voice telling you how to make your lover come like a freight train??? Introducing the revolutionary Cubaboy Sex Sat Nav (pat pending). The Cubaboy Sex Sat Nav (pat pending) guides you all the way from initial foreplay (including optional oral sex) all the ways up to full twenty-in-a-room full penetrative fuck orgy, with added anal assist. This device is so easy to use it can be used by twelve year old virgin having there first fuck behind the bike shed. Simply choose a routine from the menu (quick shag, DP, Anal etc) and let a Stephen Hawking like voice guide you and your partner to ecstasy.

"INSERT FINGER.....INTO....ANUS..FOR......30 SECONDS........STIMULATE GONADS IN........2 MINUTES" shrieks the Cubaboy Sex Sat Nav from the bedside locker. "EJACULATE.....EJACULATE".

The Cubaboy Sex Sat Nav (pat pending) is so user friendly that it can recalculate your route to a good fuck if you veer of course. Spent too much time on rimming??? No worries, the Cubaboy Sex Sat Nav (pat pending) will simply correct your remaining fuckery and get you back on course. The new and improved Cubaboy Sex Sat Nav (pat pending) now comes (heehee) in a variety of "sexy" voices, Stephen Hawkins, Cubaboy, Pat Kenny etc. Order now and get absolutely nothing extra...you greedy fuck.

The Recession Isn't All Bad

2010-06-09T10:17:00.004+01:00

Whoever said that every cloud does not have a silver lining is a stupid cunt in my view. While we are all suffering in the current financial climate, (well I'm not, I have a relatively good job, tracker mortgage and didn't pay too much over the odds for my home), I am absolutely delighted to see some members of society are suffering more than others.

The first group of people that I take absolute pleasure in seeing dossing around the streets are taxi drivers. In my view taxi drivers are the scum of the earth, just above politicans who are the scum of the sub-earth. They are a bunch of pox ridden, foul smelling know-it-all's who have no discernible talent apart form being the new Dick Turpins of the highways. Who amongst us have not been robbed by one of these Aids ridden cunts. During the "boom" times in this country taxi drivers made so much money during the Christmas period that they could afford to take the entire month of January off and go on holidays. The one thing that they are supposed to be able to do, i.e. drive, they seem completely incapable of doing. Lanes, indicators, courtesy to other drivers are all foreign concepts to these cocksuckers. I hope you all die horribly in grisly car accidents you absolute cunts.

The second group to get a lash of the Celtic Recession are those purveyors of human misery, pub owners. Another group who during the boom time became absolute millionaires on the backs of people's greed and stupidity. Everytime a pub goes out of business in this country I have a little toast to myself.....using affordable beer purchased in a supermarket that tastes better than the cheap overpriced swill that passes for beer in Irish pubs.

The last group whom I personally would like to take a bottle of petrol to are the good people of Soundstore. If you're not Irish Soundstore is (again) a purveyor or cheap electronics at sky high prices. When I purchased my home a few years ago I had, like everyone else, to fit out the house with all the modern gadgets, i.e a fucking washing machine, toaster, t.v etc. I did my shopping in that kip that passes for a shop and my total bill came to two thousand, two hundred and twenty three euro and fifty cents. I should mention at this point that I had to purchase several tv cables at the same time and it was a cash transaction. When I asked the auld wagon would there be any discount for cash she just looked down her old, over made up nose and said "no". They wouldn't even throw in the cables. When I handed over the cash she said I didn't need to bother with the fifty cent. So for spending approximately half an hour with me I gave Soundstore enough money to pay this cunts wages for an entire month. Needless to say, I will never, ever ever spend another cent in that shithole. Everyone I meet I eventaully tell this story to and I encourage people not to spend any money there.

You may ask what side of the bed I got out of this morning. Well I write this article because over the course of the morning I have heard ad's for each of these scumbags (who minted it in the good times and forgot about delivering a fair customer service) and who now a on the skids bigtime. I have just one message for you, Rot in hell you fuckbags!!!

Time to Exterminate Ugly Bastards?

2010-06-08T14:47:00.005+01:00

I read with interest last week (and that alone should give you an indication how fucking boring my life is) that an American bank fired some broad for "being too hot". As you can see from the picture attached to this drivel she's not exactly "hot". "Tepid" might be a more applicable, but she certainly does nothing earn a place in the auld wank bank.

Certainly that lady's work place must be as bereft of hot chicks as mine is if she is considered "too hot". But either way it got me thinking shouldn't we as a society be removing mingers from our work places?? And why stop there, why not ban ugly cunts from public places altogether?? Who of us hasn't had the experience of going into a work place, usually public sector or bank (delete as appropriate, or not...ohhh satire!!), and being greeted by an ugly, slovenly heifer of a woman hell bent on making your life as miserable as she looks?

I say we need to round up all these pie chasers and give them the choice of extermination or spending their lives indoors in servitude to us better looking folk. We can lure these porky cunts from their ruts Pied-Piper style by means of blasting ice cream van music and wafting chip grease in their direction. Then slip the van into gear and let it roll off a cliff, followed by vast wall of elephant man like ugliness.

And here;s another thing, why is it that there is an inverse proportionality in amount of clothing worn on a hot day in directly related to a woman's "hotness". Who of us does not have an image of a fat chick with too little clothes on on a mildly warm day. Then you see a really hot chick completely covered bah!!

In order to make up for the grunters we will exterminate, or force behind closed doors, we will have an obvious shortfall in labor. I have thought of this and hope to liberate all hot bodied prostitutes and poll dancers to walk amongst us as (almost) equals in legitimate employment.

How Do You "Unfriend" Someone??

2010-06-03T10:14:00.006+01:00

It seems today that everyone is obsessed with Facebook, or Friendpage as the IT Crowd hilariously lampooned it. It's become so mainstream that South Park recently devoted an episode to it. I must admit that I do not have a Facebook profile but recently, like Stan Marsh, find myself being pressured into getting one by friends and various interest groups. I must admit that in the past few weeks my resolve is beginning to weaken and I have become interested in what goes on within the walls of this community that I am (self) exiled from.

I understand that on Facebook you request to be someones "friend". Now as you may know I am not a "friendly" person. In fact the sight of other people generally gives me the liquid shits. And the very thought of interacting with other human beings puts me into a Howard Hughesesque state of apoplexy. The inevitable conclusion from accepting someone as a "friend" is that you can "unfriend" them if they, say, sleep with your wife, or shoot your dog, or fail to give you a sheaf of wheat on Farmville (or whatever the fuck people do on a virtual fucking farm)!.

This begs the question for me, how do you "unfriend" someone in real life. I was recently at a gathering (and before you ask, yes, it was a gathering of fucking people, not stones) and I made a cardinal error, for me, of acknowledging someones existence. It was a casual "how's it going" said more as a matter of course rather than any actual interest on my behalf as to the persons well being. I'm not sure who was more shocked by the exchange, me or him. We both continued on our way not a hundred per cent sure of what had just taken place. Now I find myself in the horrible situation of having to say "hello" everytime our paths cross.

I really did not want this. How the hell do I "unfriend" him. Can I take him aside and gently tell him I've made a horrible mistake and that he should never look in my direction again?? That seems slightly odd because it would be more words than I've ever said to him and in my attempt to "unfriend" him I may end up actually starting a conversation with him and getting on and becoming an actual friend. OR, what if he just looks at me blankly and asks who the fuck I am??

Ohh fuck this, why can't there by a button that I can click to just delete him from my list of friends!!! That's it, next time I see him I'm going to walk straight up to him and punch him in the fucking face...cunt!!

2009-10-09T13:08:00.005+01:00

Proof if proof was needed today that the entire world is completely fucked up, as (black) President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes you read correctly and if you don't believe me look here. Heretofore you actually had to achieve something of huge significance to mankind to get a Nobel Peace Prize.....now all you have to be is black.

And before you say, "oh here's old Klu Klux Clan Cubaboy on a rant again", think to yourself what has he actually done since he was inaugurated earlier this year?? Nothing??? Well I can't think of anything either. I can remember what he said he'd do, like closing Guantanamo Bay concentration camp (still open), pull out of Afghanistan (sending 40,000 more troops soon) and end the was in Iraq (still ongoing and no sign of a withdrawal). He's even kept Bush's education program.

I have previously stated what I think of the hoopla surrounding this guy. I'm not saying the guys a dud, just that like all politicians he does very little and collects a large paycheck whilst doing it (this months check will be almost a million quid higher!!).

Middle Toilet Cubicle Syndrome

2009-02-10T15:00:00.006Z

Some thing's been bothering me for quite some time now, and I'm not sure how to approach the issue with you. You see the subject which I am about to talk about is of a delicate nature and involves the most intimate of activities. Loath as I am to mention the subject, today I want to talk about taking a shit. Yes, pinching a loaf, taking a dump, dropping off the Cosby kids, whatever way you want to put it.

Now my problem isn't the act itself. I, like most people, enjoy a good shit if accompanied by the appropriate reading material and finished off with a double ply sheet of Kitten soft toilet roll. However, what I do object to is having to divulge my gastronomy in the presence of other folk. No, I don't mean shitting in front of people, that's fucked up beyond belief. What I'm talking about is the modern work place abomination that is the "three trap" toilet cubicle.

Separated only by a cheap wood chip panel you now get to take care of your most intimate ablutions only centimetres from another human being doing exactly the same thing, only usually nosier and smellier. You know the saying "you think your shit don't stink"?? Well I can tell you that in comparison to some people that I've had the distinct displeasure of sharing a khazi with that that statement rings true. What you will get, depending on the day of the week or the time of the day, is a multi sensory experience which will baffle and astound you in equal measure. Firstly let's deal with the smell. On a really bad day you can be assailed by the smell before you open the outer door to toilet (the actual room as opposed to the cubicle). You're left to wonder what fucking animal died in the vicinity recently. Then you've got sight. We've all been there, you lift up the seat and staring up at you is what can only be descirbed as a mini tree trunk, lodged in the S bend. I've often wondered how the donator can walk straight after producing such a prodigious crap. Hearing. If you're unfortunate enough someone will install themselves in the neighbouring cubicle and proceed to produce a variety of sounds. You have everything from the big heave, followed by the enormous fart and little or no shit(shart), to the simpering grunt, which produces a stinking flow of shiss (half shit half piss). I'll leave touch and taste because even I'm not that fucked up.

But above all these assaults on the senses there's one thing I can't get my head around. In my workplace we have the three-trap cubicle arrangement. Now I will usually go to the one farthest from the main door if I want to take a dump. I won't go to the one nearest the door because this is the most frequently used one and usually has about half a gallon of piss on toilet seat. But I also won't go to the middle one for some unknown reason. The cubicle itself is usually fairly clean. In fact it's probably the least used one. It seems most people don't use it either. For me personally I just don't want to be near anyone in that situation, I reckon that's most people's thinking. And that's fair enough. But what about the fuckers who only go into the middle cubicle?? Who, having seen your third trap door closed and an available first cubicle go into the middle cubicle. Do they have some deep need to be close to someone?? Do they need encouragement or desire recognition of what they've produced?? Well I'll tell what I think...they're fucked in the head.

Stay out of the middle cubicle and afford us all some dignity whilst taking a shit!!

Cubaboy Triumphant

2009-02-03T14:53:00.006Z

Cubaboy emerged triumphant last Friday night in the battle of internet n'er-do-well's. The bout, which took place at a temporary dwelling site inhabited by colourful inbred folk who trade in carpets and rubbish, was a one sided affair with Cubaboy dominating throughout.

"The bastard coated himself in lard and marmite and was constantly licking himself in between desperate lunges at my genitals", said Cubaboy, "he's just so desperate for man cock it's unbelievable. Either way I was wearing a cup so he would never have gotten next nor near my dick or balls. The insatiable desire for cock in his eyes really disturbed me but I turned it to my advantage and walloped the fuck outta him".

The fight was all but over inside a few minutes after The Wankster's brittle right wrist disintegrated after a mistimed lunge met with a concealed anvil Cubaboy has secreted behind a nearby caravan.

A Pikey

Cubaboy will go on to fight King of the Pikey's (WBO version) later this year in Donegal. The Wankster will no doubt continue to moan like a fucking big girls blouse and annoy all and sundry he comes in contact with.

Cubaboy Set To Fight Internet Ne'r-do-Well

2009-02-03T12:47:00.007Z

The fight of the year was announced today as Cubaboy is set to fight the internet ne'r-do-well that's been posting anonymously on his blog. The fight is set to be held in a field just outside Mallafornia next Friday night and will be under full pikey rules. The contest had run into difficulty earlier this month when both parties could not agree a purse. In the end a nice black Dolce & Gobana (knock off) number was sourced and is thought to be acceptable to both sides. Setanta Sports are also said to be covering the fight on their pay-per-view service.

At the press conference today Cubaboy said "Obviously I'm delighted that this fight is finally going ahead, a lot of talk has gone on in the past but now it's time for that to stop and the fists of fury to be unleashed....by me like...not him....he'll just stand there for a while and take one hell of a pasting...before either running away crying or just falling down".

Me at the MGM in Malafornia at the press conference today

Cubaboy will be giving a huge weight advantage to his opponent and will need all his boxing nous to avoid the massive masterbatorially pumped up right arm his opponent can unleash. Cubaboy said he's not afraid to fight dirty in order to win on Friday night "Well if things get nasty I've ordered my corner to throw some gay porn into the ring, this will obviously distract my opponent who will immediately fall to his knee's and begin to wank, I'll take that opportunity to kick fuck outta him, whilst laughing uproariously and pointing at the sad state of this "man"".

Cubaboy is the more experienced fighter having won dozens of illegal bare knuckle fights against the toughest pikeys Munster has to offer. Cubaboy's anonymous opponent, who fights under the name "The Wankster", doesn't have a fantastic fighting pedigree and was last year embarrassed when he failed to beat a fly off some cow shit he was about to consume. Since then he's fought back however and with a wrist that measures 40 inches in diameter (but brittle as fuck due to constant wanking) this promises to be a very close bout indeed.

The Wankster was unavailable for comment today.

The Second Coming

2009-01-19T14:52:00.003Z

Have you heard the news??? Jesus is being crowned tomorrow and he's going to stop all war, and the little children will never miss a meal ever ever again, and the global economic crisis will all be settled by next Tuesday...or such is my understanding from the world's media's coverage of Barack "Jesus" Obama's inaugeration tomorow.

Now don't get me wrong, I was as happy as anyone when he won the election, and when I say happy I really couldn't give a fuck, I just wasn't more angry. That was until the media and in particlar the Irish media (that being the media I am most familair with) starting deifying the guy. Of course you had the inevitable "Irish-if-ication" of Obama, sure he's as Oirish as a peadophile priest or small minded biggotry. We won't mention the fact that if he wasn't famous and walked down any street in Ireland he'd probably be stared at and possibly be shouted at for being an asylum seeker. But then the media really ramped the hype up saying this guy was going to be the be all and end all, he was going to fix everything. It's culminated with wall to wall media coverage of the inaugeration tomowrrow evening with top investigative RTE journalist Charlie Bird on a junke...sorry reporting on the "story". Not to mention famous Dutch band U2 performing last night. I'm sorry but if you don't pay tax in a country they should take your passport away...hey, that's what happens in America!!

I glanced at a piece in the Guardian newspaper last week that compared the presidency's of Obama (who's not actually Presidentyet ), JFK and Lincoln. Now this comparison was done by supposed "historians". I didn't bother to waste my time by reading the piece but I was reminded of something Lincoln once said regarding fooling some of the people some of the time. Well in this case it appears that ALL of the people have been fooled. Here's a newsflash....Barack Obama is just a man, and worse than that he's a politician. Politicans are by definition cheats and liars. They promise the electorate the world in order to get a really well paid job. If people really think that big money didn't buy this guy the election they are in for a really big wake up call. Do people really think that big money isn't going to want a payback?? Remember where you read it first..this time next year the world will in exactly the same position, if not in a worse position, and I wonder will people still be worshipping Jesus Obama or will they be clambering to nail him to a cross.

Reasons To Be Angry - Part 2

2008-12-12T12:47:00.005Z

The second in my occasional series of rants on what makes me angry in modern Ireland...

1. Colm An Jim Jim - Radio Show or Tv Show

If you're one of the few people who have never watched television or listened to radio then don't change the habit of a lifetime now. For you see, these two media are inhabited by two of the most annoying cunts ever to grace the airwaves, Colm and Jim Jim (so fat they name him twice), or Cunt and Fat Fat as I call them. Colm's the one who looks like a paedophile and Jim Jim's the one with enough spare skin under his chins to make a separate human being. These two "jolly japsters" first came to prominence after 2fm's morning radio show was continuously and humiliatingly beaten on the radio listenership figures by the far superior Ian Dempsey breakfast show on Today Fm. RTE's solution, employee two fucking assholes that sometimes (and badly) do funny voices then get Gerry Ryan to big them up, in his sad attempt to be "cool" with the kids. I can't give you a further run down on their radio show because I refuse to listen to it. I would literally jam a stick covered in Jim Jim's shit in my ear before I'd listen to those fanny pads.

However, in a move that could only be countenanced in RTE, these pair of muppets have now pitched up on Sunday evening television fronting a game show that only the severely retarded could consider entertainment. And you know what the hook on this show is??? They use skype so an in-studio contestant can compete with a sad lonely fucker at home in the hope of winning shit. Wow, skype, what's next 3.5" floppy disks? come on RTE wow me with the amazing technology of the near past!!!! Anyway this show is so dreadful, the audience so doped up on something and autocue reading that's so bad it's almost funny.

Whether it's the tv or the radio these two abortion bucket dodging jizz rags specialize in the kind of "patronise your audience to an inch of their lives" presenting that seems to be RTE's stock and trade at the moment. Hundred and sixty quid a year for this shit???

2. The Seoiges

I am soooo sick of these two cornbeefed armed cunts now that I'm actually choking on my own rage just writing this article. They're fucking everywhere you look at the moment promotiong their own afternoon snooze along. For the uninitiated Grainne (the older fatter one) started her broadcasting life as a weather girl on TG4. She then moved to TV3 when they started blowing smoke up her arse before moving to Sky when they launched their doomed-to-failure Sky News Ireland. When that bombed she slunk back to Ireland with her fat tail between her fat legs where RTE decided to give her a hundred thousand euro a year contract for whatever vehicle they put on before the news in the afternoon. Last year the show was co-hosted by hateable brick Joe something or other. However Grainne is such a cunt to work with poor Joe

found the dole office more appealing than sharing a sofa with the gaeilgoir.

As for Sile (the younger fatter one) all she's ever been is a weather girl on TG4. Oh yes, and Grainne's sister. You see this is what RTE thinks get's all Irish men's hearts all a flutter, the idea of two sisters together...at once!! Well I've got news for RTE, two fat Irish lesbiens don't really cut it today, maybe in the seveneties but most men's fantasies are a little more sophisticated in 2008.

Reasons To Be Angry - Part 1

2008-11-07T14:47:00.007Z

This is the first in my series of reasons to be angry today.

1. Barak OfuckingBama and the fucking American election.

For the the last three fucking years the bastarding Irish media have been giving near blanket coverage to first the Democratic and Republican candidate selection process and then to the election itself. Bollox Joe Duffy one day devoted an entire show to "Is Barack Obama The Most Beautiful Man In The World?". People were staying up all night watching the results come in. Ask the same people who their local TD's are and they'll scratch their dumb fuck heads and stare at you blankly for a few moments before going on to discuss America Next Top Model.

2. The X-Factor

I'm not sure if your familiar with this rubbish called the X-Factor. Well it's a faux talent show in which Simon Cowel and assorted flunkies piggy back on semi talented youngsters with stars in their eyes in order to inflate their own egos and hawk a couple of more cd's so that they can keep themselves in the plush lifestyle that they've become accustomed to. Well that's neither here nor there as it's very much a matter of opinion. But here's the crunch, the "top 12", i.e. 11 loosers and someone who does not loose have released a charridee single. All well and good, I'm not a big charity man myself but there you go. And do you know where the money is going to??? British War Heroes!!! What the fuck is a British War Hero?? Well if you live in Belfast or Bagdad it's what we call a terrorist. Now fuck the English and their cunting war criminals, but this single will be on sale in Ireland no doubt, and cunts'll go out and buy it thus supporting the cunting British army. And if you challenge them they'll look at you blankly and after a few minutes rattle on about how good looking Barak Obama is!!

3. John Fucking Gormley and the Fucking Green Party.

I used to be relatively eco friendly. That is until those dirty pinko fucks the greens got into power and started shoving there green ideas down my throat. And you know what?? It's all a scam to raise stealth taxes. They don't give a fuck about the environment, they just want your money. Next time you hear of an initiative from the greens ask yourself how much will this cost, cause cost it will. I'm starting my own Power of One campaign. I'm go to flytip one bag of rubbish every day, turn up my thermostat by one degree, run over one green party minister (if I get the chance).

What Will You Be doing This Weekend??

2008-09-19T13:29:00.005+01:00

Ahh....so it's Friday midday and feeding time at the communal trough at my mill and quickly enough the conversations of glassed-eyed bovine workmates turns to "what'cha doin' for de weekend?". Oh what high brow question in between mouthfuls of Monster Munch and coke. A question to grapple with whilst simultaneously spraying the table with partially chewed deep fat fried chicken. No talk of man's enduring struggle with "why are we really here?", no at this swill trough there's only talk of drunkenness, planned whoring and possible drug abuse.

So you fucking factory fodder, let me tell you what I won't be doing this weekend.

1. I won't be watching the Ryder Cup

I hate both American and Europe and would like a situation where a.n. other continent could get it together to whip both of them. In fact the only good things about the Ryder Cup are the surgically enhanced wives. I find it fun to estimate how much money has been spent to make them all look exactly the same.

2. The All Ireland Football Final

Football is a game played by bullocks with little skill and even less finesse, where a shoulder to the face is considered a "great tackle" and where a score of eight points to five is considered a high scoring match.

3. Chelsea v Man United

Watch a bunch of over payed, soft as piss, pretty boys ponce about the field for a boring one all draw...no thanks.

So what will I be doing this weekend?? I'll be sanding and varnishing my front door. Because that's all I've been listening to for the last three months!!! "When are you varnishing the front door?", "Are you varnishing the front door this weekend??" and so on and so forth. So forget a weekend on the lash with my bovine work colleagues, it's a weekend of unpaid drudgery for me.

Scientists Proven To Be Full Of Shit....Again

2008-09-10T10:02:00.008+01:00

As long time readers of this website will know I can't wait for mankind to be wiped out, or at least a huge majority of mankind. Films like Armageddon and Deep Impact really float my boat. I don't even want to tell you what happens when I watch Dawn Of The Dead or 28 Days Later. The very thought of society as we know it being obliterated is my idea of heaven.

So you can imagine how excited I was over the last few days when I got wind of an experiment that some scientists were doing in Switzerland which was guaranteed to create a black hole and fuck us all up......apocalypse style !!! Well surprise surprise like all things in my life it's turned to shit. The whole experiment took place earlier today and fuck all has happened. Not a sausage.

I decided to rise early this morning, not go into work and watch the apocalypse from the comfort of my sun deck. Two hours later I was still sitting there, slightly damp and a just a little pissed off that I, and everyone else, was still alive. So I've had it with scientists, there all full of shit. I was sold a lie when I was young that religion held the explanation for everything. As I grew up and watched the X files I became indoctrinated into believing that science was the new religion and that it held all the answers. I can now for once and for all declare that scientist don't have a clue. Like a drowning man in the river Nile they're grasping at straws. Don't believe a fucking word that a scientist tells you.

Now where's my tin foil hat.......

Cubaboy Withdraws Affleck Murder Threat

2008-09-08T13:03:00.005+01:00

After watching the steaming pile of monkey shit that was "Daredevil" I swore an oath, signed in my own shit, that if I ever met Ben Affleck in person that I would kick the living fuck out of him. Since that faithful night I've lulled myself to sleep dreaming of ever more exquisite ways in which I could inflict pain on this squared jawed arsehole.

So it was with trepidation that I rented "Gone Baby Gone" the other night. The film is directed by Affleck and stars his younger brother Casey. And in all honesty I have to say it's one of the best video rentals (dvd ain't made it's way to Malafornia yet!) I've seen in a long lonely time. The premise of the story evolves around the disappearance of a young girl from a negligent mother (one of the script writers is Madeline McCann's father) and is set in the seedy neighbourhoods of Boston.

The film is gritty, well written and fast paced and most surprisingly off all leaves you with a moral question which doesn't involve a red hot poker and Ben Affleck's hole. With solid performances from Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman this is one of the best films of the year. And in Casey Affleck the Affleck parents can be assured that they have at least one son who can act. If I gave out celestially based scoring systems I might be tempted to give this film seven stars out of ten. Most sites tend to go for the more traditionally based five star scoring system but only shit galaxies are made up of less than eight stars, are you listening Cassiopeia????

Anyway the upshot of this whole thing is that I have withdrawn my murder-murder pact with Ben Affleck. If I happen to meet him now I'll just flip him the v and and call him a wanker. I also learned that you need Cilit Bang to remove four year old shit stains from your bedroom wall.

Don't Trust The Chinese

2008-08-12T15:00:00.007+01:00

Seems those cheating bastard Chinese are at it again. Yesterday they were busying coming clean about faking the Beijing 2008 Olympic opening ceremony light display, now it seems that that little girl that sang that cute little song about crushing China's enemies and raping their lands wasn't so cute after all. Or at least the REAL girl who sang the song wasn't. For you see the girl that actually sang the song was, well, a bit of a minger, so they swapped her with a better looking little girl.

You can see why they made her hide behind the screen can't you??

Now I've no problem with that, in fact I have constructed a list of ugly bastards, that if we all lived in China, would not see the light of television. Gerry "lard jowls" Ryan, Ryan "patronising wanker" Tubridy, Joe "barrel scraper" Duffy, Pat "sawdust" Kenny, Bibi "face like a landfill" Baskin, etc.

What I just can't figure out is why we allow ugly people to live in the first place. I reckon that by the age of five you should be able to tell if someone is going to be good looking in later life or not and thus make a decision as to whether a person should be allowed to live or not. Think about it, if we got ride of all the fat, ugly bastards then the world would be inhabited by Brad Pitts' and Angelinas, morbid obesity could be eradicated and farts would decrease dramatically. I also can't believe that the Chinese haven't thought of this before, after all they are adept at killing children.

In other Olympic news I claimed another Gold medal last night (your time). This time in weight lifting. Now I'm not going to make any puerile jokes about being no good at the "clean and jerk" or liking a good clean "snatch", I will however let the following picture speak for itself.

NB - If you ever take part in a weight lifting contest DO NOT have a curry an hour before hand. As I went to lift my winning wieght a shot of pure liquid shite shot out of me, through my leotard and pooled offensively on the ground behind me. It took several men in haz-chem suits to clean it up.

Olympic Opening Ceremony Faked

2008-08-12T07:43:00.003+01:00

News yesterday that apparently some of the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games was faked. "Viewers watching at home and on giant screens inside the Bird's Nest National Stadium watched as a series of giant footprints outlined in fireworks processed gloriously above the city from Tiananmen Square." Unfortunately those devious Chinese had generated the images on a computer, possibly using photoshop, and even put in a camera wobble to make the whole thing seem more realistic. I for one will never trust the Chinese again, lying bastards. I mean honestly why would anyone fake something like this?? Are their lives that empty that they have to stoop to such antics?? I mean what the bloody hell is going on in their heads???

Anyway, in unrelated Olympic news I won my first Olympic Gold Medal (of these Olympics) last night (your time) in the pool. In a very tight race I really kicked hard in the closing fifty metres and won handily in a new Olympic and World record. I was fairly happy but this is just one of many medals I hope to win. I aim to become the first athlete to compete, and win, in many disciplines from swimming to track and field. Keep watching this space for further updates.

I've attached a picture of me after I won.

Apocalypto 2??

2008-08-11T10:14:00.004+01:00

Regular readers to this site will know that if you want exclusive movie news then you don't come here. In fact the latest movie reviewed on this site was the latest Keystone Kops film. However, what I am now about to announce is so exclusive, so earth shattering, so bloody enormous that I can hardly believe it myself.

For you see on a recent trip from Atlanta to Cancun I was sitting next to a man who I will only call "K", I withhold his name in case he would get in trouble, but believe that what I am to relate is 100% fact. "K" was talking on the phone, loudly enough for me to overhear, about how he was travelling to Mexico to "hook up with the old crew" in preparation for Apocalypto 2. He even said that "Mel would be down next week".

If this is true and not the ramblings of some arse on a plane then I am very excited. Apocalypto was one of the last good films I seen with the right mixture or historical inaccuracy, violence and a damn good story well told. "K" was sporting a rather impressive blackberry on which he was talking to his secretary getting her to organise "his usual seats" for the next LA Galaxy game and to "put his friends up in the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills". I've done some inexhaustive research on the Internet and can find no mention of Apocalypto 2, but if it does come off then just remember where you heard it first!!

Gillette Quattro And The Great Razor Blade Scandal

2008-07-31T14:44:00.004+01:00

I dunno about you, but I was one of those stupid kids you see on tv who, at the age of five, are discovered by their mothers in the bathroom, blood dripping from their faces and a blunt Bic plastic razor in hand. Fast forward twenty five years and this very imagined memory floated into my head as I ripped open a state of the art (if a razor counts as art today) Gillette Quattro razor blade this morning. Due to a luggage error on the side of Delta Airlines (please stay tuned for the first in my series of blogs entitled "Delta Are A Stupid Bunch Of Incompetent Cunts") I had to forsake my normal Gillette Mach 3 razor for this new space age razor that promised a closer shave than ever before.

Mach 3

Now I am sceptical about this whole Mach 3 bullshit. I'd almost go as far as to take my old friend Jim Corr's line that it's a conspiracy. If you don't know what I'm on about here's the summary....Mach 3 has 3 blades, in theory for a closer shave. We'll in my experience it's just three blades of varying degrees of bluntness that feel like a briar being dragged across your puss every morning. So I wasn't exactly overawed by the blurb on the front of the Gillette Quattro this morning. And I wasn't disappointed. You see what the great idiot public fail to realise is that you can have a hundred blades all neatly stacked on top of one another but that's just a hundred little spaces for your stubble to lodge and render the blade ineffective for subsequent shaves. I spent ten minutes banging the bloody thing off the wash handbasin this morning in order to get it clean. Talk about a pain in the hole!!

Quattro

So at the age of thirty I am now left with a shaving-cut face, a decision about going hirsute a la Gill Grisom or using a cut throat razor and the memory of when I didn't have to fucking shave!!!

Maria Bello In "Clothes On" Shocker

2008-07-07T12:52:00.005+01:00

I had the extreme misfortune over the weekend to watch a film called The Jane Austen Book Club. Now don't ask me how I got myself into a situation where I had to watch this junk, or why I didn't simply put my own eyes out in order not to have to watch it, or why I simply didn't leave the room. The fact is I watched it. And never since The Devine Sisterhood of the Travelling Ya Ya Pants has there been such a sloppy pile of auld girlie shite. Anyways that's neither here nor there and I you probably could have guessed that the film wouldn't get a favourable review from me....or any other heterosexual fella around. I did however notice something quite amazing about this film.....Maria Bello was in it.....and she didn't take her clothes off.

I was absolutely shocked. This is the second film I've seen in recent weeks with Maria Bello in it that she didn't take her clothes off in. For an "actress" who is basically one (short) step above a porn actress, she's taken her clothes off that much in films, there's a disturbing trend emerging. If she's not careful she may have to act in order to get further work. Now don't get me wrong, I can appreciate a nude woman as much as the next fellow, but I've seen Maria Bello naked more ofter than I've seen myself naked!!!

For a change of pace I decided to do some research into one of my post's and looked up her biog on IMDb. I've seen her in quite a few films, not on purpose I might add, and out of the ones I've seen she's aired her wears in most of them. Here's a list:

Downloading Nancy - Self mutilating sex scenes - nice

Butterfly On A Wheel - She just about manages to keep her clothes on in this one

A History Of Violence - A nice 69 scene for all the family

The Cooler - She's "plays" a prostitute

Autofocus - Again balls naked

I heard through some colleagues that there are websites that contain lists of actors/actresses that have appeared nude in a film, they even contain the minute and second reference for the hairy palmed brigade. Well I've decided to set up the first website devoted to an actress keeping her clothes on. So here goes...

Maria Bello appeared with all her clothes on in The Jane Austen Book Club - reference:0:00:00 - 01:43:52

Shot Seven Times!!!!

2008-07-04T10:05:00.003+01:00

Did you hear this story over the last few days?? Apparently some Irish lad was shot seven times in America. Seven fucking times!! The cop who did it was put on paid leave as a result. According to the article above "he had two gunshot wounds to his left arm, three wounds to his abdomen, one on his thigh and one in the back of his shoulder". I mean for fucksake, this is an absolute disgrace. That cop either needs to go back to the academy and learn to shoot or else get the sack. What ever happened to the old reliable double tap to the back to the head. I'm currently paying Resident Evil 4 on the Wii and nothing takes down a zombie/person like a close range shot to the head. Come on, let's have some justice here!!

The Longest Day...

2008-06-20T12:56:00.004+01:00

In anticipation of tomorrow's mid summer solstice, i.e the longest day of the year, in sunlight terms as opposed to actual units of time, I thought I'd post my thoughts on the subject. Well basically I don't have much to say on the declination of the earth into such a position as to allow a greater length of time spent in the sun's cancer giving rays. I would however like to point out that technically that if tomorrow (the 21st of June) is the longest day of the year, and it is, then Sunday must be imperceptibly shorter....else that would be the longest day too, or an even longer day. But it's not, tomorrow is the longest day. Anyway if Sunday is slightly shorter than Saturday, and it is, you will, like me, no doubt notice that the evenings are beginning to draw in. Soon we'll be back to dark evenings, wet lashing-out-of-the-sky days, horribly overcast grey manky mornings, depressing will-someone give-me-a-knife-so-I-can-end-it-all kind of afternoons, dark dreary fucking ennui-inspiring early evenings, oh God will someone stop the dark feelings......(ahem)so that's my thoughts on the whole longest day debate......have a nice weekend.

Talk Radio

2008-06-12T07:43:00.008+01:00

Hello.....my name is Cubaboy and I'm addicted to talk radio......

I guess it all started when I was a young fella, like most young people I experimented when I was in secondary school, a little Gerry Ryan on a morning off, you know yourself. Then when I went to college it just seemed to be more freely available, and everyone seemed to be doing it. Call it peer pressure or maybe I just had too much time on my hands but what was just a recreational thing became a full blown addiction. I rarely made it into college before mid day (Ryan being on from nine until twelve) I managed to hide my secret and didn't let it affect my work. That was until one day I went to get my daily fix and Gerry Ryan wasn't available ( I think he was on holidays or something), all I was left with was Niall Prenderville on 96fm. I didn't want it at first but I needed something. Had I known then what I know now I would have run a mile.

At first I found Prenderville opinionated, annoying and the amount of breaks he took drove me mad, but the quality of provincial nutcase you got more than made up for it. In a short space of time I was hooked. Even when Ryan came back I just couldn't go back to listening to him, it just didn't give me the same buzz. I see now that Ryan was a gateway to harder talk radio.

My addiction grew from there until eventually the inevitable happened and I tried a little Joe Duffy. My first experience was wonderful, indescribable, to quote Trainspotting "think of the best sex you've ever had and multiple it by an thousand and you still don't come close". Some woman in Louth called Ethna had bought a suite of furniture and it hadn't arrived on time. By the time Joe was finished with the furniture company I was baying for blood. The exhilaration of the opening music, the ecstasy of the "good afternoon to you" in that flat Dublin working class accent, the way he can make the most meaningless incident seem like the end of the world, all left me wanting more!! The level of absolute stupidity from some of the cranks astounded me. The depths to which Joe will plumb to fill an hour of radio is incredible...and I loved it all. At the height of my addiction I was listening to up to eighteen hours of talk radio. I listen to The News on Radio One from seven to nine (with Cathal MaCuila), then Prendeville until twelve, then Joe for an hour, then Sean Moncrief on News Talk, then Matt Cooper's Last Word show on Today FM, then Eoin McDevit on Newstalk, once I even listened to Victor Barry on "Cork Talks Back" (Red FM) but even I couldn't handle the level of muck.

Well it had to come to an end eventually I suppose. I knew I'd hit rock bottom yesterday when I found myself listening to Derek Mooney and smiling to myself at his light entertainment afternoon show. I knew right there and then that I had a problem. Immediately I turned that radio off. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. How has it affected my life? Well I've been unable to motivate myself to find a proper job. since I left college I've worked in two well paid dead end jobs. Due to the easy availability of talk radio I just can't motivate myself to get back out there and find a more fulfilling job. Will I ever recover fully.....I don't know but with the help of God and the support of my friends and family I'm taking it one day at a time. Maybe one day I'll reach a happier place where I don't need talk radio.

I Will Never Tire Of Looking At This Picture...

2008-05-22T14:50:00.004+01:00

For those of you who don't know this is a picture of Chelsea and England defender and faux-hardman John Terry who last night missed a penalty in the Champions League final. The press have been more than fulsome in it's defence of the self styled "Captain Fantastic" with our own Eamon Dunphy describing him as "a model professional". Well may I say that not only is he an average defender who masks a lack of pace and an inability to read the game with a vicious brutality on the pitch, but off the pitch proves himself to be a quite the degenerate. This story details how the hero parked his Bentley in a disabled spot. And here where the England captain racially abused a fellow black English player, a story which was very much brushed over by the English media at the time.

Last night this jackass wanted to take the final penalty that would have won the Champions League for Chelsea, not for the good of the team (there were several other better penalty takers available) but to feed his own ego. Well I for on e am absolutely delighted that he missed.

PS to the Chelsea fans who had the delightful "Scouse Free Zone" banner, I guess Chelsea is now a "Trophy Free Zone" even after spending half a billion pounds to get there.

Silvio Berlesconi

2008-05-22T10:08:00.009+01:00

I've been a huge fan of Silvio Berlesconi for several years and his personal stock with me grew ten fold when I seen this on You Tube. Now auld Silvio's back in power he's started to clamp down on the human vermin that walk the streets of Italy (no, not the Italians!!)...the gypo's!!

Forza Silvio

Now I for one applaud his initiative and just wish our spineless, pc government would get off their hairy holes, stop calling each other "fuckers" under their breath, and introduce some good old fashioned draconian legislation that would lead to the extermination of the Irish gypsy, or knacker as they are colloquially known.

Knackers, or pikeys if you like, have been robbing and fly tipping around Ireland for hundreds of years. In between having "knacker fights" in secluded lane ways, these vermin will spend nights terrorising elderly bachelors in rural Ireland before robbing them and leaving them for dead. You'll get the old liberal lefty crying "racism" at sentiments like this but have they ever seen a lay by after a litter of knackers have moved on?? Have they ever seen the inside of a pub wrecked after a pikey wedding or funeral??

The solution is simple in it's finality. Collect all pikeys and put them on one of the islands off the west coast, with a specially constructed hundred foot fence around it. They'll be happy, moving about the island unhindered and marrying their twelve year old cousins and we'll be happy with a clean Ireland. I think over time we could reintegrate them back in Irish society, subject to forced sterilisation obviously.

Preview Of: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

2008-05-21T14:52:00.005+01:00

Well early reviews are in for the new Indiana Jones film and surprise sur-fucking-prise it's shit. "Ohh it's not as good as before"..."ohh the story is shit...snivel..snivel". I have one question, what did you expect from a bunch of old men??? With a combined age of over 180 years of age, Harrison Ford, George Lucas and Steven Speilberg have produced nothing worth watching since...well 19 years ago when they produced the last Indiana Jones film "The Last Crusade". Each of these men have left their most productive years well and truly behind them and are now only in it for the money.

And since when is the subsequent outings of any franchise better than the first?? Was the fourth Star Wars better than the first?? Was the second LOTR's better than the first??

Added to this, the fact that Indiana Jones films are very much of their time. Remember twenty years ago to fly from Ireland to England cost 500 quid, foreign travel was very much a dream for common folk. So places such as the Orient were places of mystery. Now every Tom, Dick and Harry's been to the most secluded parts of the world on their gap year. What I'm trying to say is we've lost our since of wonder. With the explosion of cheap travel and satellite documentary channels (as well as well written and informative blogs) nothing really amazes us anymore. The James Bond franchise was fallen foul of the same disease. It may have been acceptable to make action films in the sixties but these days they're making more and better action sequences with more and better technology and the producers just can't keep up with the competition.

In conclusion, go see the film or don't go see the film. Whatever you decide remember it's not going to whimsically transport you back to your fucking youth when everything was more simple, when the summers were always sunny and when your biggest worry was not having your homework done. You're a fucking adult, grow up!!

The Eurovision Must Be Stopped

2008-05-21T10:01:00.005+01:00

As one of the few straight men across Europe to watch last night's Eurovision "Song" Contest (semi-final) I felt it my duty to inform you, my many readers, in my capacity as acting PRO of the Malafornia branch of Mal-Quida, in association with Killavullen Janjaweed, that we have declared a fattwa on the contest. At a hastily organised EGM last night it was decided due the blatant block voting by the Iron Curtain countries that something must be done. It is to that end that next Saturday night a delegation of suicide bombers from Mal-Quida and the Killavullen Janjaweed shall travel to Serbia and reek vengeance for last nights humiliation.

All this block voting is a slap in the face to us Western countries, who only a couple of decades ago freed these ingrates from their Russian overlords. Their thanks? not to vote for our Eurovision entry. I say let's send 'em back to the good old days when fifty of them had to huddle around a single spud for warmth, where they'd draw a cake on the wall for food, and where twenty of them had to have a Barry White in the same hole in the ground.

I wouldn't mind but many of them have come over here taking our low and semi skilled jobs through hard work and perseverance whilst working for less than the minimum wage. Then they brought their fit women folk with their perfectly toned arses and pert upper body areas to tease us so as we'd take our minds off stuff and not do our jobs good. Anyway all this will end on Saturday night when the intifada begins.

Also did anyone notice that the Eurovison is possible THE gayest event on earth?? The "presenters" did a link from the audience last night and their must have been ten lads to every fucking lad!! There may be some collateral damage amongst Europe's gay community, no offense is intended. You don't want to upset the gay's, they're one community you don't want on you back.

Disorder Affected by Season

2008-05-15T14:57:00.005+01:00

Unless you've been imprisoned by your rapist father in a dungeon for the last week you will have noticed that we're getting somewhat of a hot spell. Greens up and down the land are crammed with children out playing ball, beaches are thronged with drunken youths doing donuts in their souped up punto's, ice cream vans are doing roaring trade and I'm fucking miserable.

It's not just the usual malcontent I feel towards fellow human beings, this is a more deeply felt ennui. Every child's scream of delight as it chases a ball seems to go right through me. Every smiling face enrages me. Every fat bird in her strapy top, corn beef arms and cankles turns my stomach.

I knew this just wasn't me so I decided to consult one of my medical journals. To my astonishment I have a very serious disorder call DAS (Disorder Affected by Season). Quite like SAD, DAS is far more prevalent than you may think and is thought to affect roughly one in every 6.5billion people worldwide. Symptoms can include a pain in the hole (figuratively not literally), downness of the mouth area, a ten percent increase in curmudgeonliness and murderous thoughts about those around you. If you feel any of these thoughts you may be suffering from DAS.

On the heels of my diagnosis I decided not to let DAS rule my life. I'm not going to be a victim, I'm going to be an example for all other DAS sufferers out there. It's to that end that I'm organising a fund raiser in my back garden this weekend. And all funds raised will go to sufferers of DAS. Unfortunately I cannot invite any people to the function since the very sight of people can turn me into a murderous rage, so if you would like to donate please send me an email with your bank details

Forget Nostradamus, Smokey Are The Real Deal!!

2008-05-09T14:45:00.004+01:00

I've been watching this whole Josef Fritzl thing unfold over the last few weeks with a mixture of disgust and dismay. How could one man be so evil? How could the wife not know about it? What drives a man to such an act? I've been pouring over every column inch trying to glean every single detail that I could to better understand the man monster. Of course the most incisive reporting I have found came from the Mallafornia Star's own Ulick McCracken. I've reprinted (with his permission) an excerpt from a recent article he wrote on the whole sorry affair, it's an interview with Fritzl's neighbour:

Ulick McCracken: So how long have you been living next door to Alice?

Neighbour: Alice?.......Who the fuck is Alice?

UMcC:So for 24 year you've been living next door to Alice??

Chilling.

Cubaboy Gives Something Back....

2007-12-20T10:13:00.000Z

For years I've been fucking plagued by those annoying "Flyin' Enterpirse" ads on 96fm and that cunt Billa. Every fucking ad break I hear that shite old time music thats supposed to invoke a sense of homeliness and welcoming and then that fucking caricature comes on with worse rhymes than a mildly autistic child could come up with. I swear if he rhymes "able" with "table" once more I'll send him a fucking thesaurus......try "stable", "cable", "fable". "Remember still only a stones throw from the cath-eed-er-ill".........all I can say is he must have some fucking throw on him. And if the ads weren't bad enough now he's got an album out for Christmas called "Billa's down Memory Lane".......well all I can say if Billa's down a lane I hope to fuck it's the lane inhabited by thieves, murderers, buggerers, clap ridden hoors, flesh eating microbes, finna fail politicians and pricks of all variety.

After much discussion with my solicitor it was decided that killing the auld bastard might not be entirely law full. So I contacted my old buddy from Hollywoodland, Quentin Tarantino, and we decided to make a movie together. You know Quentin's as made as shit and I had to put my foot down when he wanted to cast Samuel L Jackson as Billa, but we came up with a good script and I think the poster speaks for itself.

It's in The Gate cinema on North Gate Bridge on Stephens Day......"only a stones throw from the cath....eed....er.....illll"

How Fucking Stupid Are People??

2007-11-23T14:41:00.000Z

Read this fucking story about a bunch of stupid fucking cunts who hit an ice berg and (at the time of writing) are sinking. I mean have none of these cunts ever seen Titanic, or the superior A Night To Remember, or even The Band Played On for fucks sake!!! Now there was some excuse for the look out on the Titantic, admittedly not much of a fucking excuse, "oh look it's a calm, well lite night.....I think I'll look in the opposite direction to that huge big fucking iceberg for a couple of hours while we steam towards it". But these modern day fucking seamen deserve a right good kick in the goolies. How fucking asleep would you want to be in this day and age to be fucking around the Antarctic (one of the most dangerous places on the planet), a place renowned for fucking huge big blocks of ice (for fuck sake!!), with some of the most advanced sonar devices and still mange to crash the cunt!!!! God help us if a large gorilla is ever discovered in a far off pacific island....these cunts will probably come up with the great idea of bringing it to New york and then marvel at it as it does more damage than an Al Quaida attack. Cunts!

"My heart will go on......my career as a sea captain is probably in the shitter however"

Ps Irish adventurer Pat Falvey was on board this ship. He was on route to the South Pole to cross the entire continent on foot.

Lt Colonel Creedon Strikes Again!

2007-11-15T12:49:00.000Z

As long time readers of this blog will know Lt Colonel Ciaran Creedon is my on-line nemesis. So many times he's threatened to come to the Mal-Quaida strong hold of Malafornia and open a can of whoop ass GI style on us Jihadists. All talk and no action Creedon!!! This very blog was set up out of spite after the Colonel set up his blog. I try my best to counteract the American lies promulgated on his site.

An artists depiction of Creedon perishing on the wasteland that is
Ballydeheen

In his continuing quest for self promotion the Colonel has recently "starred" in a film.....no not the one of him sending more American youths to their deaths on the barren wastelands of North Cork, but an actual talkie involving him playing a Private in the British Army who dies horribly (a taste of things to come if you ever try and invade Malafornia bitch!!). What is it with you Creedon, can't you fight for the Irish army??? Or even a loosely organised local militia which promises to wreak revenge on anyone who looks at them funny???

Anyway you can see part one one of the film here and part two here. I had to split them up due to You Tube not allowing clips over ten minutes.

Update Rumble At The Rockies

2007-10-22T09:57:00.000+01:00

Here's the video I promised last time!

With the money grubbing, cheap tat buying, charity mugging, over indulging, stupid jumper wearing time of the year approaching fast it's time to think what to buy those people in your life who you actually don't care that much about if you're to be completely honest with yourself but for whom you must buy some token bit of crap so as not to be embarrassed on the twenty fifth when they give you some equally shit present. Well you present problems (and I don't mean your body odour) are now officially over. Why not buy them the exclusive Rumble At The Rockies (Tm) DVD.

Rumble At The Rockies features 11 Mui Thai fights, including fighters from Poland, Portugal, Scotland, Latvia and Ireland, including Cork's finest from the Fighting Fit Gym on McCurtain Street. Filmed on location at the Blackrock Hurling pavilion on Saturday September 22, the dvd boasts some fantastic fight sequences and would be a welcome addition to any DVD collection.
For a super low, Internet only price of 5 euro you too can own this piece of genuine sporting history. To order simply mail cubaboy1@gmail.com. Buy on, get one.
Rumble At The Rockies is a Cubaboy Production.

Rumble At The Rockies

2007-10-02T12:50:00.000+01:00

With the money grubbing, cheap tat buying, charity mugging, over indulging, stupid jumper wearing time of the year approaching fast it's time to think what to buy those people in your life who you actually don't care that much about if you're to be completely honest with yourself but for whom you must buy some token bit of crap so as not to be embarrassed on the twenty fifth when they give you some equally shit present. Well you present problems (and I don't mean your body odour) are now officially over. Why not buy them the exclusive Rumble At The Rockies (Tm) DVD.

Rumble At The Rockies features 11 Mui Thai fights, including fighters from Poland, Portugal, Scotland, Latvia and Ireland, including Cork's finest from the Fighting Fit Gym on McCurtain Street. Filmed on location at the Blackrock Hurling pavilion on Saturday September 22, the dvd boasts some fantastic fight sequences and would be a welcome addition to any DVD collection.

For a super low, Internet only price of 5 euro you too can own this piece of genuine sporting history. To order simply mail cubaboy1@gmail.com. Buy on, get one.

Rumble At The Rockies is a Cubaboy Production.

2007-07-10T12:27:00.000+01:00

Cubaboy's Revenge

If you read this blog regularly then you're probably like me, i.e. everything you try ends in abject failure and general ridicule. And so it was this weekend when I pitched up in London town to enter this years Tour de France. Who would have thought that you had to be a professional cyclist to enter their fancy dan cycling race. And who would have thought that you needed actual cycling gear to enter, I was dressed in a stained pair of Y fronts and a string vest...for aerodynamic like. And who would have thought that an almost 90% concentration of EPO in my blood would have been "illegal" and "possibly life threatening".

So after security robbed me of not only my chance to be the first completely 100% drug enhanced cyclist to win the Tour (hehe) but also of my Y fronts I made a decision. If I couldn't have any fun then by fuck nobody else was going to either!!! Now what I am about to relate probably didn't make it into any "mainstream" media, and you probably won't see any shaky footage on You Tube, but this is what happened.......

For my plan to succeed I needed some clothes. Security had my one and only pair of drawers and a crow had swindled me out of my string vest in a crooked poker game. What I needed was a costume, something that the world would remember, something distinctively Irish!!! So I robbed this old lad who must have been on his way to a fancy dress or something

I also needed to be fleet of foot for my plan to work so I did a quick jig to warm up.....

And then put my master plan into action.....

Net result....two broken collar bones, a skinned knee and a night in the nick....well worth the look on those French fuckers faces when I jumped the barriers!!!

Weekly Announcement...

2007-07-05T10:12:00.000+01:00

Not a week seems to go by on BlogsByStephen where I'm not announcing some amazing news about my incredibly interesting life......and this week is no different. For you see friends, over the last few months I've been putting my body through an intense physical regime in order to complete in this year's Tour de France.

For years I've watched in amazement as these warriors on the road do battle over several thousand kilometers. I've sat transfixed as they steam up the mountains and whizz down the other side. Been awe struck at the technical ability involved in the final sprints. And been left literally speechless by the technology and pure physicality of the time trial. I know your probably saying "Cubaboy, you've proven yourself in pretty much every field of endeavour that man has too offer, why would you involve yourself in such a demanding undertaking?". The answer is simple my friends, by proving myself to be near to superhuman the likes of you can take inspiration from me.

Over the next month or so I will regularly update you with my progress in the event, including any stage wins I may have and hopefully come July 29 the maillot jeune on the Champs.

I've warmed up for this years Tour by taking part in a local criterium, Mallow-Kilavullen-Mallow, which I naturally won at a canter. I expect the tour to be slightly more demanding and will be counting on your messages of support. I've included a couple of pictures of me in action below.

Suicide Match

2007-06-26T12:35:00.000+01:00

There's been a lot of talk recently about suicide pacts. Fellas meeting over the Internet and traveling out to lakes in the middle of nowhere and ending it all. Now I can't solve this crisis, I can't even make a meaningful contribution to the debate, what I can do however is bring like minded people together and possibly make a few bob in the process.

"I forgot to pay the gas bill, I'm so sad, boo hoo"

Announcing, Cubaboy's Suicide Dating Service.

Feeling lonely?? Girlfriend dumped you?? No friends?? Contemplating the Big S??? Well don't just sit there in a dark room like a sad sack, contact Cubaboy and I will match your personal details to other manic depressives in your area. I will also suggest possible locations and methods you may wish to consider when the big day comes. Act now and get a free noose!!

Just listen to this testimonial from one of my current clients:

Dave in Terminfeckum - "I would recommend Cubaboy's service to anyone. I'm currently meeting with several lunatics in my area with a view to forming some form of suicide pact. I'll definitely use Cubaboy's service again.....oh wait......hahaha no I won't......sorry a little gallows humour there"

Call 0898 55-55-55 for further details.

Act now and not only will you get a free noose but I'll also throw in a free bucket to stand on.

"Suicide Match" is a subsidary of Cubaboy Products & Services International and terms and conditions apply. Cubaboy - putting the "laughter" back in "slaughter".

Cubaboy Damaged

2007-06-25T14:44:00.000+01:00

I don't know what made me do it......I was sweating and shivering in equal measure........my skin felt prickly as if there were a thousand ants just below the surface trying to burrow out. My condition was due in no small part to an over consumption of American beer and Austrian Schnapps the night before. The foul Chinese I had just consumed was revoltingly sloshing around in my stomach and making frequent attempts to break free via any available orifice. It was then [sobbing quietly now] that I took a rash decision that will haunt me for the rest of my days.....I watched and RTE home made drama!!

Yes that's right, last night I watch the televisual equivalent of eaten diarrhea vomited back up. The show in question was called Damage and told the tale of a very nasty Celtic Tiger family who seemed to shop at Brown Thomas exclusively, snort more cocaine than Tony Montoya and who had a mother and father who were both screwing around. Basically a more unsympathetic bunch of people you could possibly not find. The "story", if I can loosely use the term, revolved around their 21 year old daughter, who looked closer to forty five, who gets raped by a family friend at her 21st birthday party, while coked off her bin, and then her quest for justice.

I'm almost at a loss to tell you how bad this show was....allow me to try however. The acting was of such a poor standard that I would have preferred to watch my own testicles being ripped off by a dog with not very sharp teeth. So witless were the performances that you could almost see the "actors" reading off auto cue cards. Now I'm not one to engage in personal attacks but the "young" wan who gets raped is possibly the ugliest girl I've seen in manys the long day. The characters were so unsympathetic that I really couldn't give a fuck whether the rapist got away with it or not. Just as I was about to projectile vomit and explosively shit my pants at the same time with rage I was persuaded away from the channel, this with approximately 15 minutes remaining and no end in sight to the tedium.

I was surprised to find out when I researched this shit that there was actually a writer involved in the project. I mean what the fuck did this person do? There was no script to speak of, the characters were one dimensional and loathsome, the story was absolutely non existent and lent nothing to your classic "rape" storyline. Basically a fucking two year old could have done a better job if they wrote the story in their own shit. Then I read the fucking tripe is up for an award??? Fuck me, in what category??? "Most Retarded Shite I've Ever Seen On Tele" award??? And to think, next Saturday I'm going to have to withdraw 158 euro from my hard earned savings to give to RTE (in the form of a license fee) to put more of this shit on??!!? Well I want to report a crime, my eyes were raped last night and my mind sodomised by RTE.

Forza Burlesconi

2007-06-21T14:50:00.001+01:00

I dislike and distrust foreigners. I especially dislike and distrust Italians. And I especially especially dislike and distrust Italian politicians. Up until this morning former Italian Prime Minister and AC Milan owner would have been top of my list. And then I saw this.

If only all politicians could behave so disgracefully in public I might have more respect for them!

A New Feature On BlogsByStephen

2007-06-19T14:47:00.000+01:00

Firstly let me apologise for my prolonged absence. I was helping with the formation of a new Government and I think the results of my efforts are there for all to see, a slap dash half hearted effort that has become a byword for BlogsByStephen!! Today I take the greatest pleasure in announcing a new feature on the BlogsByStephen, a ClustrMap. This handy little feature will not only tell you where you are in the world (if you're so fucking thick that you need to be told) but it will also tell everyone else who's dropping by BBS. You'll also notice that I have moved up my sitemeter from the end of the page to a more visible position. I've also posted a couple of links which I like to visit from time to time, one is the Guardian website, whose football coverage is second to few and the second is to long time associate Colonel Creedon, who not only visits the site but also leaves the occasional comment (note to the rest of ye lazy fuckers!!!)

These are only a few of the changes I've planned in the next few weeks (and by that I mean they're all the changes I've planned). So if you like/dislike the new layout or want to share a sexual health issue with the group for our titillation please feel free to do so.

Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!!!

2007-06-07T15:10:00.000+01:00

I am not a tolerant man. I am not a patient man. I am not a man to protest for someone else's rights. I am not, in my view, a racist man. I am also not a man who wastes his time watching the televisual excrement that is Big Brother. However it has come to my notice that another "Big Brother Race Row" is brewing. Apparently one white vacuous bitch called an equally vacuous black bitch a "nigger". From what I understand it was said in jest but what annoys the fuck out of me is that it's not politically correct to say nigger. Apparently the worst thing in the world you can do these days is say the word nigger. Yet the same black people who are so offended by the word openly call each other nigger. To be honest I don't give a fuck what people call each other, what I do object to is the fact that the PC police have deemed it a hate crime for me to use a word. Maybe if they didn't get so het up about the word it would lose some of it's taboo quality and we'd all be a little less sensitive. Channel Four must be delighted however, their ratings for tonight's show might reach double figures now, niggers!!!!

Mascot Madness

2007-06-06T14:51:00.000+01:00

I don't know about you but I'm batshit crazy about mascots. Ever since I can remember I've been excited by what wondrous emblem of hope that inevitably accompanies a major sporting event. I remember my obsession started with Pique in the World Cup Finals in 1986. Pique came into my life in the form of an assembleable toy inside a kinder surprise egg. I played for hours putting his head where his legs should go etc. Italia 90 gave us Ciao, a minimalist stick and ball figure, maybe not as malleable as Pique but fun for a brief period none the less. Then those bastard Americans gave us Striker and things started going down hill fast. The French followed with the abomination that was Footix, a mascot that I would have loved to have kicked in the Ballix!! And most recently Germany gave us a homosexual lion called Goleo.

Then this morning I saw the mascot for London 2012's Olympic bid and I was fucking disgusted. It took me a little while to figure out what I was looking at, much like those pictures you have to squint your eyes at, but when I did my fucking jaw hit the floor. It's only a picture of Lisa Simpson giving her brother a blow job!!!

Election 2007:Results (For Malafornia South Central)

2007-05-29T12:53:00.000+01:00

Ahhh well (weary sigh) it's all over for another five years. As you may have guessed from the wall to wall coverage on RTE since last Friday, Cubaboy was not given a mandate by the knuckle dragging locals in South Central. My voting pact with Mr. Tayto crumbled like a salted snack in a bold child's hand, as did my hopes to rule you dogs....well, like the dogs you are!!

Instead of choosing the path less trodden you fools chose the same auld bunch of slags who you'll be cursing before the end of the week because your tea is too hot or you're too fat or some other inane complaint whilst ignoring the fact that your life is in fact shit.

Anyway I suppose there's no hope for this society. Ye'r all a bunch of fucking losers and no amount of common sense from me will sort ye out. I will not however slink out of public life like the shitbag McDowell. My plans for domination need refinement, a military coup perhaps. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Democracy just doesn't work.

Election 2007 Update

2007-05-24T15:36:00.000+01:00

Just a quick note since I won't be with you tomorrow (I'll be at the count center in Malafornia) I've just come from the voting cubicle in South Central and the turnout is said to be in and around 1% so far. This is a massive up surge since the last election when a disappointing 0.5% of the population turned out to vote. Early exit polls suggest that the voting pact with Mr Tayto is holding up in the North Ward but Mal-Qaida have polled strongly in the West Ward, with Militant Lesbians doing well in Malafornia's gay quarter. I won't get much sleep in the next forty eight hours but fingers crossed it'll all be worth it when I'm elected. Until Monday when I'll reveal the final result.....Cubaboy Abu!!

New Axis Of Evil In Irish Politics

2007-05-22T12:33:00.000+01:00

There are as yet unconfirmed reports that there may be a new Axis Of Evil about to enter Irish politics as Cubaboy's Me Fein Party is rumoured to be in talks over a pre election pact with Mr Tayto. Neither side were available for comment this afternoon but sources close to the fictional fried snack purveyor are quoted as saying "we're looking closely at forming a coalition with the Me Feiners after the election if the numbers stack up".

The news has drawn strong reaction from the other parties in the Malafornia South Central constituency with Militant Lesbian candidate Mildred "Butch" O Brien stating "this is a bloody stunt, you'd expect nothing more from a man, as I said to my Filipino live-in-lover this morning as I was soaping her down in the shower!!". Mal-Qaida candidate Osama Bin O Connor is reported to be planing a suicide attack on Cubaboy's headquarters after he declared a Fatwah on Cubaboy and Mr Tayto.

The tie up between the parties isn't as unlikely as it may initially seem. Both parties have very similar stances when it comes to genocide with Mr Tayto's party promising to slowly kill the salted snack eating population through an increase in high collesterol, diabetes and heart complaints whereas as Cubaboy has promised to summarily exterminate 40% of the population upon his election as Taoiseach.

Sitemeter Is Shit And Run By Fucking Morons

2007-05-18T12:58:00.000+01:00

As the title of this post may suggest I'm having issues with my Sitemeter. Well, when I say issues that conjures up images of a service that works periodically. I haven't had a recorded hit on my site since May 8, 2007. Now what the fuck do they think they're playing at??? I've announced that I'm running for the Dail and these fucking cunts decide lets fuck Cubaboy up by denying him what should be a virtual landslide worth of hits. By the way I can't fucking afford to miss these hits, it's not as if I have a large readership. To add insult to injury I have mailed them three or four times and the useless fucking jobsworth wankrags can't even be bothered to respond. Sitemeter is shit and run by fucking morons.

Poll Shows Cubaboy Well Positioned To Take A Seat

2007-05-16T12:38:00.000+01:00

The first NRBI/TMS poll was released in the Malafornia South Central constituency since Cubaboy announced that he was going to run in the election and it shows that he is in a strong position to claim Me Fein's first seat in Dail Eireann.

The poll of one hundred Malafornians last Sunday, as they were coming out of an illegal badger fight, shows Cubaboy on 20% of the popular vote just 1% behind the Militant Lesbian candidate Mildred "Butch" O Brien. However Cubaboy is just 2% ahead of Mal-Qaida candidate Osama Bin O Connor. Trailing in last position is IFART (Irish Farmers And Republicans Trade union) candidate Tadhy Murphy with only 9% of the first preference vote. Worryingly for all candidates however is that 32% of those polled said the intended to vote for another candidate....in the four candidate constituency.

With just eight days to go until voting day Cubaboy is said to be delighted with progress so far and is looking forward to ruling you all like the dogs you are.

Election 07 Update

2007-05-14T14:50:00.000+01:00

Wow! What a weekend on the hustings. After I left work on Friday I hit the campaign trail in Malafornia South Central. My manifesto seemed to go down really well with the local Malafornian's with many engaging in heated debate with me. I fielded a number of questions ranging from "Who are you?" to "What do you want?". Luckily I had my official photographer with me and I got a couple of snaps of me on the campaign trail.

Here's me and a handicapped lad I employ to hand out fliers, well when I say employ I give him a few buttons and he's delighted with himself, putting in the effort eh!?!??! Anyway this picture demonstrates my "walking lanes" on footpaths idea. Imagine you're coming against us in the opposite direction, where do you go?? You do a bit of slaloming and if you're lucky the handicap doesn't bite you. However, if there were footpath lanes you could pass by unhindered, you could even reach a respectable foot speed of 1.3 miles per hour.

Here I am coming down Malafornia's only escalator, or "moving stairs" as the locals call it. It's rather ironic however since the bloody thing has never actually moved, it was ex military stock from the old Soviet Union. Imagine, when I seize power two and a half of the people in this picture will be exterminated. Wanna guess who??

Anyway, tomorrow's an important day with the publishing of the first TMS/NRBI poll since I entered the race. It should give a good indicator as to where I stand in relation to my nearest competitors Mal-Qaida and the Militant Lesbians.

Until tomorrow, Cubaboy Abu!!

Vote Cubaboy In Election 07

2007-05-11T10:00:00.000+01:00

A Chara,

It is with great pride that I announce my candidature for the 30th Dail.

As part of my new vision for Ireland I have made a list of promises, each more unbelievable than the last, in an attempt to win your vote. By reading this list of promises to yourself you are forming a contract between you and me. A contract which I may choose to void at a later date but one which will be binding on you. As leader of the Me Fein party I want to make Ireland a better place for some of us, a place where stupidity will be drastically reduced, a place where you can walk down the street and not have some twat walk out in front of you and a place where those fucking whining nurses will all be fired.

When I am elected in the constituency of Malafornia South Central I make the following promises

The immediate dissolution of both houses of the Oireachtas and office of President and the establishment of Office Of The Benevolent Dictator, me.
The immediate culling of 40% of the population in extermination camps. There are far too many dozy, stupid fuckers in this country, I pledge to rid the country of these muhawns.
The introduction of footpath lanes and helmets with wing mirrors to avoid walking out in front of people on the footpath. I also hope to provide every surviving citizen with "indicator belts" within my first 100 days of power.
The immediate banning of all SUV's, unless you live on an extremely hilly farm.
The introduction of mandatory death sentences for all people found to be misusing the overtaking lane.

I look forward to meeting with you on the doorsteps over the next week and a half to discuss my views and whether or not you are part of the 40% who will no longer be with us if I have my way.

Rememer, a vore for Cubaboy is not a wasted vote. Cubaboy Abu!!

Paris Hilton's New Sex Video

2007-05-09T12:39:00.000+01:00

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few years you will have seen Paris Hilton fucking or being fucked on video. Now don't get me wrong I'm not a prude or anything, fair play to you Paris I say if you want the world to see you being ridden up the wrong 'un. All these other videos have only been a warn up however for her next sex video. It was announced today that Paris's gang rape's, which will take place in the federal correctional facility that she will attend, are going to be videoed on poor quality close circuit camera and sold on dvd later this year. Some scenarios have already been leaked by the "studio", one such scenario involves Paris's teeth being broken before a home made soap dildo is shoved down her throat in the prison's shower block. Personally I don't want to see such degrading treatment of the woman I regard as the new Mother Theresa and will be signing this petition so as she doesn't have to live a minute more than she has to in the real world.

You Need A License For A Dog

2007-05-08T14:48:00.000+01:00

There's an award system out there called the Darwin Awards which highlight the dimmest, laziest and stupidest that have managed to drag themselves through life until, through their own dimness, laziness or stupidity, they manage to kill themselves in a bizarre fashion. If there is an award for dumb fucks who contribute to the death/disappearance of their children then maybe these two gormless fuckers should get it. Whilst on a jolly in Portugal Mr and Missus fucking clueless thought it would be a good idea to go for a couple of pints down the local tapas bar leaving a three year old and twin one year old's to look after each other. What I find unbelievable about this whole story is that a significant amount of people are surprised that something bad happened. These two fucking idiots thought it would be better to leave three children unattended and get pissed rather than employ the services of a hotel listed baby sitter, why not, it might have cost the equivalent of two pints and a packet to rancerhos.

Of course the blame game has begun in earnest with the English red tops intimating incompetence on behalf of the Portuguese constabulary. It's fucking indicative of this society that when something goes wrong there's always someone else to blame. No one is responsible for anything anymore. Killed someone?? Say you were drunk and can't remember what happened. Caught fiddling with kiddies??? Say you were abused as a child. Caught randomly assaulting someone on the street??? Say you had a rough upbringing. Caught taking illegal payments while minister for Finance??? Say you were going through a messy divorce at the time. From the very top of Western society we are getting the message that you can do anything and if you spin the story correctly you can walk off scott free.

But back to taking absolutely no responsibility for the filth that you helped bring into this world and last night at a ten thirty there were approximately fifteen children, aged between six and eleven playing on the green outside my house. Pitch dark, school night not an adult in sight. And the people come along pissing and moaning when something happens children?? Some people need a strong dose of 'wake the fuck up'. Then again some people take looking after their children to ridiculous lengths. Whilst down my local at the weekend one mother and father pair wanted to spend so much time with their kiddies that the made them stay in the pub until half one in the morning when they all staggered home, the children half asleep, the parents half cut.

I suppose this whole story only works if you believe that someone other than the parents killed the child...I don't. I've watched enough CSI to recognise a simple case of infanticide when I see it. Just remember where you read it first.

Week One Of The New Relaunched BlogsByStephen

2007-04-26T12:40:00.000+01:00

Well it's been (roughly) a week since the newly launched BlogsByStephen has hit t'internet and now's as good a time as any to review the past weeks developments. So what have we learned this week?? First of all I regaled you all with my technological advancements, then we had an ever popular dictogram which the Colonel correctly solved and then this site got it's first stalker. Yes at 01.19am RTFARTY proved yet again that with the birth of the artist (in this case me) comes the inevitable afterbirth that is the critic (RTFARTY). Over the following days RT proved that like a eunuch in a harem, i.e. he know's how it' done but can't do it himself, that it's so much easier to come up with nonsensical criticism and threats that he'll never be able to follow up on than in engage in reasoned debate. Then it struck me, checking my blog in the dead of the night, panties missing from my washing line, nude photos posted to my house....I've got a fucking stalker.

While flattered and slightly disturbed at this development I decided to use my powers as a Garda Reserve to track this sick fuck down and ram a red hot poker up his ass. While the fucking weirdo claims to know me (don't all stalkers claim to know their victims!!) I can assure RT that not only do I not know him/her but I never want to know him/her. In another one of RT's delusions he claims to be responsible for all the hits on this site. While not on the same scale as claiming to be the Son of God it's still fairly fucking out there, as the hundreds of perverts who regularly hit this site will verify. Also you delusional fuck Sitemeter has been broken for the last couple of days and has stopped registering hits (I presume that I'm getting so many hits I've broken Sitemeter).

In closing I've attached RT's details in the hope that he will not track me down and attempt to use my skin as some form or coat. FREAK!!!

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Larry David's Wife Is Called LAURIE David

2007-04-24T12:49:00.000+01:00

I've long been of the belief that people should shut the fuck up. I think there's far too much talk out there today. People phone into talk radio shows and tell complete strangers the most intimate details of their private lives, people in work approach you and attempt to engage you in conversation, hell, even loved ones will badger you into a monosyllabic reply on occasion.

But it's not just normal people who talk too much, it's also celebrities. Take Sheryl Crow for example. I've long been an admirer of Ms Crow, both for her west coast, chilled out music and her surfer chick looks. However all that came to an abrupt end yesterday when I read this article in which Ms Crow detailed her toilet habits. She details in the article how one should use "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required". One square??? I use half the fucking roll. Now maybe I'm not getting as much fibre as Sheryl but one square wouldn't put a dent in the mess I leave after me. I mean your talking at least half an acre of rain forest to get me clean. Then again maybe she's got an incredible tight sphincter which can guillotine that shit in two mid log. She'd have been very useful in the Dirty Protests in the H Blocks in the 80's, dispensing little parcels of shit to each protest or without the need to wipe.

I am a firm believer in Ying and Yang (not the two Siamese twins) and that for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. So when Sheryl Crow wipes her hole in some pristine convenience in California I know that a man will be winding off half an armful in a dingy outhouse somewhere in Malafornia. No wonder Lance Armstrong dumped the crazy bitch.

Sopranos Series Three

2007-04-23T12:46:00.000+01:00

I had a right touch of good fortune over the weekend, which is strange when you consider that if I fell into a barrel of tits I'd probably come up holding my mickey. I went into my local Xtravision to rent whatever passes for entertainment as decided by overpaid, talent deficient Hollywood Executives when what did I spy but Series Three Sopranos for rent. Renting box sets has to be one of the best and most initiative ideas to hit the Irish home entertainment industry since the Beta Max tape. It allows enthusiast's to spend entire weekends watching wall to wall coverage of their favourite series including 24, The Simpsons, Lost, Family Guy, Futureama, etc. See here to locate your nearest store. Needless to say I have added Series three to my collection and all for the princely sum of 6 euro, as opposed to 40 here.

Happy Days!!

Something For The Weekend??

2007-04-20T10:00:00.000+01:00

After yesterdays non smut, technology related post I thought it was time to get back to the bread and butter of BlogsByStephen with a dictogram (pat pending!!). For those of you new to the BlogByStephen experience Dictograms are a series of crudely drawn pornographic hieroglyphs which when translated give a crude and sometimes pornographic message. For example, if you get a picture of a ladies breast with a "- t" after it could reasonably be expected that the message was "it", tit minus t equals it. As usual first correct poster wins and this weeks prize is a genuine bottle of Malafonian air (bottled in Killavullen!!). And remember, Say What You See!!!!

Cubapod

2007-04-18T12:32:00.001+01:00

As many of you may know I loves the auld technology, from the tiny camera I have planted in the toilet bowl of the Malafornia Senior Ladies Beach Volleyball Teams changing room to the tiny camera I have planted in the top of my shoe for those discreet upskirt shots. But I recently came into a piece of technology that even I would struggle to use for sexual ends. That piece of techology is the Apple Ipod.

I received the Ipod in the form of a gift as I am too cheap to even continence the thought of spending upwards of 250 euro for anything. But what a fantastic piece of kit it is. It has 30 gigs of memory and has video capability. Even though I have yet to watch an entire movie end to end on the Ipod the resolution is fantastic. And the memory!! After three weeks (mostly of cataloguing) I've finally managed to get my entire music collection (1049 mp3 files) onto the Ipod. I've also placed a fully feature length movie (The Prestige) on (for illustration purposes only) and still have only used 4 gigs of space!! I'm using varying pieces of software to capture mp3 files but my favourite at the moment is the audio ripper in Nero Premium 7. I've also come across Xilisoft Premium package which could possibly be THE best bit of software I've ever used. I mainly use the Xilisoft for converting DVD to .mp4 format.

This is a long way of course form my original digital music player. The Jwin Jukem@n was also a gift and posses ed and magnificent 256mb of memory. I could get roughly 30 mp3 files onto the thing which did me perfectly well in shorter journeys. However the one fantastic thing about the Jukem@an was the fact that you could record wav files off the included FM radio. Now I know what your thinking, "the quality must me shit!!". Well interestingly if you get a good signal you can get close to stereo quality sound. I've used this function to build up an extensive collection of Gift Grub sketches, including ones never released on cd. I previously used such software as Audacity to edit and convert the wav files to mp3 format but am currently using the by far superior Nero Premium 7 Wave Editor.

I've also purchased a Belkin "Tunebase For Ipod" car kit for my Ipod. While initially excited with my purchase I was quickly brought down to earth with a bang. The Tunebase is plugged into your cigarette lighter and works by beaming a signal to a free FM frequency on your car radio. Now this would work fantastically well if you never drove anywhere, it would make your car slightly redundant but you'd get perfect quality sound!!! Let me illustrate the problem thusly.....2fm transmits throughout Ireland on 90-92fm. In one place it might be 90.1 in another it might be 91.8, basically if you set your Tunebase to a free frequency at the start of your journey it may not be free by the end and you have to put up with the likes of Gerry Ryan in your lug when you wanted the soothing sounds of Ladle Of Filth. However I've persevered and as I usually only go from points A to B during the normal course of my work day it's a simple matter of testing what frequencies suit your particular area best (for me it's 93.1fm).

I suppose the only real way to get uninterrupted high quality music from Ipod to radio is to have a wire going directly to the back of the car radio an option which I may look into down the line. For the moment however I'll make do with the limited Belkin Tunebase.

Great News For BlogsByStephen Readers

2007-04-18T12:32:00.000+01:00

After my two month sabatical in the Eurasian Steppes where I communed with the nomadic goatherding tribesmen of Ulan Bator, after a shamanic sweat lodge with the native American Indian and after several nights on the batter in downtown Malfornia I would like to proudly announce that Cubaboy is back and ready to fill the internet with his own brand of off colour jokes, skillful wordplay and seamless photshopping.

After a deluge of correspondence (if no correspondence counts as a deluge) I have decided to give the whole internet thing one more chance. I promise that over the next few weeks I will flood these pages with all manner of delightful jape and bawdy story!!!

I'll tell you of my travels in the past two months, my plans to run for election in this years ah....election, my latest technology, dictograms!! and of course the obligatory full frontal nudity that has become part and parcel of the blogsbystephen experience. I'll also be introducing a special section where you can send in a photo of a friend of yours and blogsbystephen will photshop them into a sexual themed photo and develop a story around it.

It's going to be an exciting couple of months, join me in my quest to make the internet a little smuttier!!

Doggystyle

2007-02-20T10:05:00.000Z

Many of you have no doubt noticed my lack of output on the auld blog recently. This is due in no small part to the fact that I have become a father. As unbelieveable as it sounds, yes I am a daddy. Fatherhood really is the life changing event that all the experts say it is and while I wasn't there for the birth I will make it upto my son by being there for all the important events in his life. I don't see his mother any more which is unfortunate (she ran off the bitch!!) but my current partner has been very understanding under the circumstances. Afterall it's not every woman who would take another females child into her home. Here's a couple of pictures of the litte fella.....

Here He Is Balmed Out On His First Night Home

Airing His Wares......So Like His Father!!!

I've called my son Keane after the greatest northern hemisphere player ever. Although he seems to be adopting some of his father's traites early on, he has a very unnerving habit of "liking" people. In fact it's rather ironic that the least sociable man in the country has such a sociable dog

I've tried to engender a hatred of humans by signing off key and poking him with a stick but nothing seems to work. He has however taken a keen interest in my arm and has been know to become romantically involved with the arm. Arm molestation is taken quite seriously and is stopped in it's tracks.

Here He Is Planning A Romatic Laison With My Arm

Shortly After This Photo Was Taken He Bit Me Face

Well who knows what the future holds for Keane and myself, we'll probably get into all manner of zany adventures involving car chases, bar room brawls and sexy bitches....for the dog of course!!!

I Can't Wait For The Shit To Hit The Fan

2007-02-08T12:20:00.000Z

I was watching the recent remake of Dawn Of The Dead last week on Channel Four and it got me to thinking, how cool would it be for the shit to hit the fan? In the film zombies start roaming the earth and eating folk. A motley crew of survivors baracade themselves inside a shopping mall and plan their escape. Now I was thinking, imagine if something like that actually happened, like the media generated fantasy that is bird flu actually manifesting itself in human form and laying waste to vast amounts of mankind?? I for one would be fucking delighted.

Ok, let's take this step by step, one, flu spreads and causes mass panic. Two, take the opportunity to procure a shot gun and shoot anyone who has ever in any way disrespected you. Three, by this stage you're either one of the survivors or one of the dead. If you're dead fuck it, it won't really matter, but if you're alive the world is literally your oyster. First and foremost I advise that you set yourself up as a local Warlord. Just collect a few shotguns and a couple of easily lead, die-for-you lackies. Then there's the whole re-population of the world to think about. I suggest taking a mormon attitude towards the surviving women, without the actual marriage thing. Imagine no traffic, no work, playing bumper cars with your neighbour's actual car.

" Quick, to the Batmobile......nanananananananananana"

Anyway, I reckon that the whole bird flu disaster thing is a long shot, I'll be too old to properly enjoy the mass panic brought about by global warming so my bet for worldwide civil disater is an auld reliable atomic war. Fingers crossed those Iranians blow the shit out of somewhere soon and unleash the post apocaliptic future that Hollywood has promised for so long.

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All I Want For Christmas.......

2006-12-19T12:39:00.000Z

By now you'll probably be shit sick of Christmas, afterall it is December 19 and it's been Christmas since last fucking October. As you may have guessed I don't like Christmas. I've nothing against being nice to your fellow man, I may not understand why we only have to do it once a year but I suppose that's my issue. What really twists my nipple about Christmas, apart from the shit that's piped onto our television's over the "festive season", and the charity fuckers you meet on the street, and the general air of happiness that pervades society at this time of year,......what was I saying???? Oh yeah, I hate fucking Christmas.

Anyways, like a spoilt child I want something for Christmas, and like an indulgent parent keen on shutting me up I want you to give it to me......or at least help my Christmas wish come through. You see for years I've watched fucking idiots queing up for the January sales (which start of Christmas eve) to buy all sorts of shite like Sandi Thoms greatest hits for 1.99 (usual price 2.19). Well this year wouldn't it be great if a homeless chap queued up outside Budget travel during their annual holiday giveaway. For those of you who don't know Budget Travel is a scanger holiday company that entices idiots to queue for weeks to get the chance to get cheaper holidays in shit locations like Gran Canaira where you can watch the flower of Irish youth being deflowered!! Back to my point, lets face it, the homeless guy is going to be on the street anyway, he can get a buddy to bring him drink/drugs/food etc. And lets face it public urination probably won't be a big deal for them.

Can you just imagine if a homeless fella won a holiday Crete. He could meet up with local homeless folks and get pissed and harangue people in a different country. I would imagine air travel is beyond most homeless people so it would make a nice change.

Some may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, maybe one day you can join me, and world can live as one.

Now fuck off and have a Christmas.

"Big Issue, Spare Change, Will Drop Pants For Money"

britney spears up skirt, lindsay lohan's minge, suffolk, prostitutes, christmas, santa, santa's dead, santa sex positions, rodge and podge, my hole

Brew Ha Ha - Update

2006-12-01T12:13:00.000Z

Ok, last night I started the clearing process on my wine. By then I had reached day sixteen (of a fourteen day wine kit) and the specific gravity measured just below 1.000. I was supposed to let it drop between 985 and 995 but as I'm under some amount of pressure I decided the extra couple of days it would take would outweigh the potiental benefits (ie an extra fraction of a percent of alchohol.
So I started by syphoning off the wine into a five gallon bucket.

While doing this I tried to pour from as big a height as I could in order to degass the wine. While the wine is drinkable at this stage it doesn't look very apetising.

I tasted the wine at this stage and I have to say off all the wines I've made this tasted the best at this stage. There is usually a yeasty bouquet and a fairly strong yeasty taste but this one was quite fruity and dare I say it better than some of the muck you'd buy in the shop. I then decanted the wine back into the washed out fermenter.

I added some stabiliser to stop any further fermentation and the sachets of wine finings to clear the wine. I am now under serious pressure to get the wine clear and bottled for Christmas and I'm not 100% sure I'll make the deadline. I plan to decant the wine three more times before I bottle it.

Brew Ha Ha - Update

2006-11-24T14:24:00.000Z

Just a quick update on my current homebrew experiment. I took a hydrometer reading of the wine last night and got a reading of 1080. This is on day nine and per the recipe the fermenting should have stopped by now (a reading of 985). So as you can see, and as I predicted, the "14 Day Wine Kit" is a load of bollox. But since I knew this already and since Christmas is still a few weeks away we may be ok for operation Cubaboys-drunken-Christmas.

The recipe suggests that it should take seven days to ferment and a further seven days to clear, just to let you know how wrong that is, I normally let the wine ferment for a month and clear for three. But I reckon by taking an active part in the clearing process, ie constant decanting, we may (hopefully)have the cheeky little number ready for Yuletime!!

Brew Ha Ha

2006-11-15T12:33:00.000Z

As many of you know I am a fully qualified master brewer who gave it all up for a life of absolute fucking drudgery sitting in front of a flickering pc for eigth hours a day purveying other people's misery and dealing with the most obnoxious people ever to walk God's green earth!!!! But anyway enough of my rantings, like many of you I use alcohol to sooth and regulate my moods, from angry in the morning, to less angry in the afternoon, to loved-up in the evening and crying in a naked and humilated heap at night. To this end I have decided to indulge my first passion, after looking at pictures of photoshoped celebreties, and start brewing again.

Now since my winery failed, due to the fact that I bought the bloody thing in Malafornia, I have had recourse to using a kit to produce my special brew. Now normally I would use a thirty day kit, which as anyone who has brewed will tell you is a joke. You may possibly be able to ferment the wine in thirty days but I like to leave it for at least three months to clear properly. Anyway due to a personal oversight I forgot to put a batch on for Christmas so I have had to resort to a 14 day kit. Will it be ready for Christmas??? Will Cubaboy be sober and alone (again) this Christmas or will it all end in a repeat of the underpant wearing, parent huging fiasco of a couple of years ago. Who knows??

Anway here's a picture of the yeast in before I added it to the concentrate, water and suger solution:

I like to start the yeast off in a cup with some water and sugar, it alomst guarantees fermentation will start immediately.

I also added three bags of sugar to the mix, more sugar (potientially) more alchohol.

I measured the specific gravity at 1080 and the potiental alcohol at between 13-14%, cheeky.

As of this posting the the wine is bubbling away nicely. Join me next week to see how my special brew is progressing

Nipples

2006-11-10T12:32:00.000Z

If you ask me this country started going down the fucking pan when they started putting nipples on female manequins. This thought came to me last friday as I walked through the soon to be defunction Roches Stores on Patricks Street. Lined up in the corner were dozens of naked manequins, with scores of plastics nipples, staring at me. I'd love to know the reasoning in the first place behind putting nipples on dummies. I am aware that during the late nineties and the early years of this century that it became popular for women to wear tight fitting woolen garments through which their erected nipples protruded. I'd love to know what woman goes up to a top and says to herself, "Jaysus that top looks lovely......I wonder what me nipples look like in it???".

Now that it's no longer fashionable to display's one nipples we're going to be left with a lot of surplus nipples, a virtual nipple mountain if you will. I personally think the designers of mannequins should put their talents to better use by designing an anotomically correct male version. Think about it, if you're buying a new pair of underpants and you want to know what they'll look like first thing in the morning, if you know what I mean!!!!, a mannequin with a bodhan would be ideal. How about a new pair of slacks, want to know how it'll look if you hang to the right??? I would suggest a detachable mickey because different gentlemen have differently sized apendages. Imagine the scene, a lisping voice rings out over the tannoy in Debenhams, "Could I get a large mickey in aisle five pleathz". And lets face it, mickey's will never go out of fashion!!!

The Pikey Footballer

2006-11-09T15:12:00.000Z

I had a right laugh this morning when I read this article. It's about football's next big thing Freddy Eastwood who plays for Southend United in the English Championship. The reasons for the headlines this week is that Eastwood's Southend knocked Manchester United out of the Carling Cup with Eastwood himself scoring the decisive goal.

Buyin' Or Sellin A Gate Boss???

Well it turns out that Eastwood is, to quote one poster on the above article, a "do-as-you-likey", or pikey. Now this article disgusts me. Would a similar article have been written if he was openly gay.....or a black....or a woman....or a gay, black, pikey woman???? I'd wager not. It's time we stopped judging people on their race and judged them on their personalities. I think you'll find if you take the time to get to know someone you'll find many more reasons to hate them.

According to the article Freddy turned down a chance to join United as a trialest because it was too far from his halting site. It begs the question.....is he a bad traveller???

As Simple As Walking Down The Street

2006-11-07T12:31:00.000Z

Since the dawn of man and the construction of the most rudimentary dirt tracks man has been plauged by the common idiot. You know the type, you're in a bit of a rush to get somewhere and in front of you there's a middle age woman ambling along, zig zaging dangerously blocking you from overtaking?? Then after the rage builds to an appropriate level you dangerously overtake narrowly missing an oncoming refugee with triple buggy.

In the run up to Christmas I have decided to give you a couple of hints to avoid unnecessary footpath rage. First and foremost if you're in a rush leave in plenty of time and plan you're journey well in advance. You must never ever drink and walk. Did you know that on Patrick Street in the last year alone there were a hundred and seventy three incidents of drunken walking that ended in fatal walking into lampost injuries. This carange must be stopped....at some stage.

A handy tip I use when negotiating the local highways, and to a lesser extent byways, is stick to the outside of the footpath. The closer to the buidlings you are the higher the likelyhood that some fucking edjiit will walk out in front of you from the shop. You also let yourself open to the classic fool who will stop dead in front of you to look in the window of the shop forcing you into effasive manouevers to avoid him. By hogging the outside of the footpath you always give yourself the option of stepping into the road in an emergency. Remember, a pedestrian exerts his right of way on a road by placing his foot on the road. However if I'm driving on the road I disreagrd that shit and see you as a legitimate target.

Another classic footpath deweler is the buggy pushing mommy. Ohh we've all had our experinces with this one whether it be rolled on toes or stuck behind them for an interminable amount of time. However if you get a bolshie lady you can really get places quickly. It's the ambulance on the road theorey. All cars part for an ambulance, therefore get directly behind the ambulance and you're away on a hack.

As part of my election campaign for next year I propose to put lanes on footpaths to avoid any confusion. Three lanes, the first closest to the buidlings is for people who want to go into a shop or people who want a meander, or for people who don't have a fucking clue what they want. The middle lane for people who know where they're going but aren't going there fast enough. And the third, closest to the road for overtaking. Now this system will have to be policed so I will literally employ thousands of "foot soldiers" equiped with slash hooks and tasers to mete out on the spot justice.

Happy and safe walking!!

Tribute

2006-11-02T10:11:00.000Z

Tenacious D have a song called Tribute in which they detail the greatest song ever written, however the song that they sing is not the greatest song ever written but at tribute to it. Similarly this post is a tribute to the second greatest film I've seen all year, Slither.

If you like your horror with organ eating aliens, dopey sherif's and foul mouthed mayors this film is for you. This film is in the mode of classic fifties shocker films and in many ways is a homage to the genre. A cracking soundtrack throughout which culminates in The Yahoo's "Baby I Love You (But Leave Me The Fuck Alone)", this really is the best comedy/horror film of 2006.

If I was to rate films on some form of celestial rating scale I'd probably give this film four stars. If you only do one thing today, RENT THIS FILM!!!

The Guardian's/Bravo's/Eurosport's James Richardson Gets Yet Another Job

2006-10-09T12:46:00.000+01:00

Shocking news today from Liverpool's training ground as podcast presenter/Italian football pundit/Tour de France host James Richardson gives Rafa Bentitez some tips on team selection.

Richardson is now as omnipresent as Russell Brand however is not believed to be as annoying.

On the shocking picture below he can be seen telling Robbie Fowler where to park his tubby arse, on the bench!!!

Cubaboy To Run For Election In '07

2006-09-28T15:16:00.001+01:00

After much personal reflection and serious conversation with my family I have decided to run in next years general election. As I do not subscribe to any of the mainstream parties, or any of the either right or left wing parties, philosophies I have decided to create my own party (yet to be named). My polocies have been described by some as draconian, by others as slightly insane. I hope, over the next seven months of campaigning to spell out exactly what Cubaboy stands for.

Firstly and most importantly if elected I promise to take bribes from absolutely anyone. I promise to do favours for the highest bidder and ignore the poor and sick.

Secondly I ahve decided taht a program of genocide is to be undertaken. I have noticed over my thirty years on this planet that there are two kinds of people, the kind that meanders through life half a sleep and the rest of us. You know the kind of person I mean, the person who at a till will take twenty minutes to have a little chat with the cashier despite their being a long queue behind them. The kind of person who meanders in front of you (slowly) when you're trying to get from point A to point B in the quickest time. The kind of person who drives at thirty miles an hour no matter what the road type. I have done exhaustive tests and have decided that seventy per cent of the population must be eliminated to progress the remaining thirty percent to greater heights. Imagine what we could do if we didn't have to put up with these half wits.

Thirdly if I am elected, and possibly if I'm not, I promise to remove the so called president of this country. I refer to her as so called because she was never actually elected to a second term in office. that's right, and unelected dictator holds the highest office in this country. And she rules this country like a tryant. Only last week she issued a statement stating that Irish people should drink at funtions, what next we should breath so much air to give the tree's a rest. Down with this despicable regime I say.

My party is only burdgoning at the moment but I will accept applications for membership for everyone. I'd get in early if I were you, when I get into power chances are your going to be killed.

Thank you and I hope I can count on your vote !!!

Bertie is a thief, I gave Bertie Ahern a bribe, money for political favours, Bertie is a crook

Blessed Be The Stingray

2006-09-12T15:14:00.000+01:00

As many of you already know, and if you don't I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news, Crocodile Hunter and all round pain in the hole Steve Irwin went to the great bilabong in the sky last week after getting overly familar with an animal which was happily going about it's business. It was with absolute revulsion that I read today that the bloody Australians are only going around seeking revenge from the offending sting rays brothers, sisters and possibly cousins.

In the vein of dopey 'strailians I suggest that American's seek out and kill cheese burgers that killed Elvis (or else the hard shit he was trying to force out when he had a banger), Canadians destroy all cigarettes that led to Yul Brenner's lung cancer and The English should stop high speed chases in Parisan tunnels!!!

To be honest the sting ray was only living out the fantasy of every crocodile, parrot and otter in Australia when it did for auld Steve and in my opinion deserves a George Cross, or whatever that colonial outpost's highest award is??!?!

F**K Off, I'm Fat

2006-09-12T12:52:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago in the middle of a televison flicking malaise I happened upon BBC Three and a show called "F**k Off, I'm Fat", the show was fronted by larger than life funny man Ricky Grover. Now I like Ricky Grover, or should I say I liked Ricky Grover. In this show he put forward the fact that in five years time 70% of the UK's population would be obese and the theorey that society should make provison now for that day.

Now, I have nothing against fat people, some of the people I bullied at school were fat, but this show made my already high pressured blood boil. Mr Grover, like every other fat cunt had the same old lame defense that "I've tried every diet but nothing works", as he piled a jumbo mars bar and packet of Walkers crips into his gob. Then ordering some salmon and cheese dish.....twice.

One way society is apparently descriminating against the morbidly obese is that car manufacturers are not making cars big enough. To prove this point he teamed up with a twenty eight stone woman who likes to drive fast cars....if she could find a car to accomodate her. They eventually rigged up a Jag so she drive around a race track....slowly. Here's a staggering fact, twenty eight stone people should'nt exist, let alone be allowed behind the wheel of a car.

Fair grounds as well don't cater for the tubby set. Again an almost thirty stone woman complained that she couldn't get on the rides, missus, your fucking lucky you can walk down to the post office to cash you disability giro!!!

Finally Ricky oversaw the installation of Britain's fist "Big Bog" with is capable of withstanding weights of one ton....imagine the size of the shit that would come out of a one ton person. The plumbing alone couldn't possibly handle it. Imagin swimming in Santa Ponza and having a twelve foot floater sail by???!!?!?!?

I think fat people should be discrimiunated against. Their laziness pushes up our health premiums, overburdens our health system and what's the story with fat young wan's wearing next to nothing on hot days.....it turns my fucking stomach.

Did you know if you are a kilo overweight in your luggage while going on holiday that you will have to pay excess baggage, but if some thirty odd stone heifer waddles up to the desk they don't have to pay a bob for the extra rolls of fat they're carrying.

It's time we put our feet down and said "No more cake for you fatty!"

The Black Sheep

2006-08-18T10:13:00.000+01:00

I think there comes a time in every man's life when he must face up to the past. A time when he must confront his darkest secrets, secrets he had hoped would never become public knowledge. Today I am that man and I must share with you, my loyal readers, the Creedon family secret. This week I received a telegram from the British Prime Ministers Office, nothing special about that I hear you say, and you'd be right for Tony is in regular contact with me to get my views on Britain's foreign policy. However this letter was different, it was from a junior vice secretary in charge of military affairs. Well to quote the song, my blood ran cold. What I am about to relate now hasn't been spoken aloud for nearly eighty years. You see my great grand uncle Wilf Creedon not only fought in the Great War but was shot at dawn .

Wilfred Alfred Creedon was born in a bog just outside Terminfeckum in the midlands in 1890. At the age of three he moved to England to seek his fortune but quickly fell in with the wrong crowd and found himself well known to the local beek for several minor crimes. However by 1916 times had changed and the body count on the Western front grew inversely portportionatly to the number of people volunteering for active duty. So when Wilf came before the magistrate for being drunk whilst in charge of a penny farthing he was given the choice of three years in the clink or a tour of duty. Well, still being intoxicated he chose the latter.

Wilf rose quickly to the rank of Colonel in the army (a rank he assumed when he shot his commanding officer in the back as he "went over the top") and held that position through out the war (largely through blackmail and intimidation). The Fake Colonel, as he later became known, spent the entire war in one French doss house or another enjoying the trappings that his position afforded him. However his luck ran out when he was found in the bed of a French Generals wife, with the wife and her daughter. Challenged to a duel Wilf quickly fled the scene only to find a courts martial awaiting him upon his return to the front. On April 4, 1917 Colonel Wilf Creedon was found guilty of "conduct unbecoming an officer, larceny, public nudity, public urination, unlawful carnal knowledge of a geriatric and most damning of all, collusion with an enemy officer". He was shot at dawn................

So you can imagine my delight when I opened the letter to find that he's been pardoned and I am to receive his army pension, backdated with interest and inflation added......Huzzah!!!
Here's to you Wilf you drunken, philandering ne'er do well.

World War One, Shot At Dawn Ireland, James Dutton Is Dead, Genthar, Colonel Creedon

Sandi Thom Must Be Stopped

2006-08-09T12:49:00.000+01:00

This internet has given us many wonderful things, the ability to communicate with one another over vast reaches of land and sea in a split second, the ability for angry, disinfranchised loners to spout off their petty rants to all and sundry, not to mention the wall to wall pornography.

But with the birth of the internet has come the inevitable afterbirth that is Sandi Thom. For those of you who do not listen to "popular" music don't start now because over the last few weeks our airwaves have been poluted by the rancid droning of a self publiscising moaner. Ms Thom, who couldn't get a record deal in the real world, decided to set up her own web site and let anyone listen to her songs for free. Now due to her clicking on her own website a thousand times a day some A&R dummy thought 'Wow, what a phenomanan!!' and signed the bitch. As a result we have to listen to 'I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker With Flowers In My Hair' forty times a day.

To be honest I wish she was a punk rocker with flowers in her hair as well. If you think about it the punk rocker is the anthisesis of the hippy, so if you had a half hippy, half punk rocker it would be hated by both sets of malcreaents. Which has a nice symetry to it since Ms Thom is hated by 9 out of ten groups I surveyed.

But it doesn't stop there, she's only put out a follow up single, 'What If I'm Right'. A song in which she bascially expect's her fella to make all the scarifices in their relationship (like not get fat or sell his vinyl records to buy a shagging house) while she makes none. This could be a fucking anthem for modern day women, give me everything and get shag all in return but a mouthful of abuse!!! My grandmother, God bless her, had to draw water from a fucking well in order to hydrate her family, and then you've got this whining cunt wanting to live in a bygone day. Well I'm sure my old gran would gladly have swopped hauling gallons of water accross a wet field in the month of December to live your life of fucking luxury.

Die Sandi Thom, die!!!!!!

Sandi Thom found dead, I killed sandi thom, sandi thom found murdered, sandi thom is a terrorist and is planning to blow up the white house

LOST...........Several Hours Of My Bastard Life

2006-07-25T15:08:00.000+01:00

As you may or may not know, or care, RTE last night screened the last in the current series of popular drama show LOST. For those of you unfamilar with the show the story revolves around a group of air craft crash survivors marooned on a mysterious island where strange shit goes down. LOST finished it's second series last night and that's the story......after two fucking years that's all we have....people....island.....mysterious.

Let me further tell you about the format of LOST. As an American show, and a popular one at that, it's literally soaked with ads. On a fifty minute slot on RTE there are three ads totalling fifteen minutes and then there's the five minute recap of everything that has happened up until this moment at the start of each show, this is for the ever shortening attention span of the factory fodder that view this show. So for your fifty minute slot you get approximately thirty five minutes of new material.

As I've said before nothing happens in this show. For the last two series the creators have padded out twenty four episodes by recapping every characters life story in flash back, each one less interesting than the last. Add into the mix a mysterious hatch, a button that must be pressed regularly and a bunch of people who don't like the crash victims, an ever growing group by the way. So last night was the Season Finale, and what a piece of shit it was. For those of you who haven't seen it and don't want to know the ending rest assured, nothing happened last night for me to tell you about. Suffice to say it was probably THE biggest television cop out since Bobby came out of the shower. And to think, we only have another seven series to go to find out what the fuck is going on!!!!!

Having said that I will be joining the cast of LOST in series 3 for a special cameo appearance. I will play Kate's romantic interest for two epsiodes culminating in me killing Jack with a sledge hammer and then shagging off back to the Others. Here's a still from the early rushes.....

Yo' Better Check Yo'self!!!

2006-07-20T07:49:00.000+01:00

Yo fools sup? Grand Master C here. Long time no see I hear yo say?? Where I been?? I been around, been keepin' it real and rechargin' my batteries old school. Yeah you might say I took my mothafuckin' ass to Krypton and chilled with my peeps. I had to get away, too much shit on my head. But now I'm back an' almost invincible......shit the only thing that can hurt me now is muthafuckin' Kryptonite, aka a kick in the swings. But shit, what's been goin' on in my absence??? War in the middle east??? Death on the roads???? Shit those muthafucka's needs to check theyselves befo' they recks theyselves, nawmmsayin'??!?!? Anyways here's a picture one of my peeps took of me in my new threads....what's that??? Shit sure I been workin' out, man gotta keep his shit tight for the ladies, nawmmsayin'????? Anways props to my hommies and no love to the haters!!!

Hezbollah, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba Fucking, Naked Celebrities, Middle East, Pirates, Superman Returns

Cubaboy Bigger Than Jesus

2006-06-29T10:18:00.000+01:00

It's finally happened, Cubaboy has been launched into the pantheon of stars. It's where I've always belonged really, I've only been marking my time with you lot until my ship finally came in!!! What am I blathering on about I hear you grunt from your behind your spit stained monitors??? Well Cubaboy's views have finally been aired via podcast and millions of people have heard them. Follow this link, download the podcast (Day 20) and go to minute fifteen roughly and hear for yourself. I feel so much more fulfilled now that I'm famous. I can also confirm that I will be appearing on this year's Celebrity Love Island and I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Signed photo's are available for 5.99. Thank you my adoring fans!!!!!

Motorway Madness No. 1

2006-06-27T12:32:00.000+01:00

Because of the lifestyle I have chosen I have to commute 20 miles to and from work each day. I travel on a good, relatively straight road (by Irish standards) and share the road with some of THE biggest lunatics who ever had the misfortune to get behind the wheel of a car. I hope to detail some of the more interesting habits I see on this stretch of road on a daily basis, both for educational and entertainment purposes.

Here's example number one. Let me explain something first, both to non drivers and fuckwits alike. On a dual carriage way there are two lanes, one, the left hand one is the lane you are supposed to drive in, the second, or right hand lane is for overtaking. It is not a lane where you can go and fucking dither along at 70kph. So getting back to our photograph, as you can see we have both a truck and a red car in the "overtaking lane" doing about 70kph. Now I am not a patient man, I'm a good looking man certainly, but when it comes to patience I suppose I'm just not blessed, so when I come accross this kind of selfish fucking behaviour it drives me fucking crazy!!!!!!!!!!! Well in order to educate this kind of fucking half wit I simply extend my right foot which in turn depresses the accelerator which in turn leads to me going faster and getting by these cunts. And I'm not talking about massive speed, maybe 100kph, because you see thats the problem with these cunts, overtaking lane, slow down and fuck everyone behind you. Well I for one have had enough of these gormless fuckholes!!!

By way of post script I did not take the above photo.

Vote Now!!!!!!!!! For Your Best And Worst Of World Cup 2006

2006-06-23T07:55:00.000+01:00

Vote now reader for your best and worst moments of the FIFA, Mastercard, Fujifilm, Macdonalds, Coke 2006 World Cup. I'm not talking about best goal (although I'll accept nominations for that), I'm talking about most stupid hair cut, or biggest dive.

I'll start the ball rolling by nominating Goleo as most threatening World Cup mascot ever. I mean that bloody lion is at least seven foot tall. I remember that little fella in Mexico 86, they even gave him out in Kinder eggs and you could assemble him. And when you got bored you could attach his legs to where is arms should go.......endless hours of fun!! Even the stick figure for Italia 90 wasn't that threatening, just a bit esoteric.

Secondly I'd like to nominate Bill O Herilhy for THE stupidest remark made in the history of television. Last night he said, of the Austrialia Croatia game "The best team got the draw". Apart from that RTE coverage is me daza (that's good), I pity the fool who is stuck in BBC land, or God forbid ITV(shudder!!)

Okey Doke

World Cup 2006 Dictogram

2006-06-20T07:47:00.000+01:00

Welcome any new readers who have been conned into visiting this site, also welcome the three regular readers. For your enjoyment and amusement I have attached a "dictogram". For those of you who don't know, a dictogram is a series of badly drawn, crude images which have a hidden message contained within. Whereas the following message is not crude visitors may be advised that some images and messages on this site are.

As always the first correct entrant gets a super prize!!!

Powerball, World Cup, Taylor Hicks, US Open, Paris Hilton Sex Video, Jessica Simpson Sex

If You're Reading This Then Chances Are You've Been Referred From The Guardian Web Site!!

2006-06-19T12:53:00.000+01:00

Hello and welcome.

Terrorists Outsmarting Americans

2006-06-12T12:45:00.000+01:00

Damn those bloody detainees in Cuba, not only are they a dangerous bunch but now they've only gone and started a war with the US. According to reports over the weekend three illegally held detainees have killed themselves. Hardly surprising if you were held in cramped, boiling conditions where you were beaten, mocked and pissed on on a daily basis I suppose. But now the Americans have turned the whole affair around and have accused the detainees of waging"warfare ..... against us" . Now I'm not the smartest man in the world but if your enemy declares war on you and then kills themselves instead of you surely this is a good thing??? Why you might even win the war. That is unless they didn't kill them selves at all and it was in fact your overzealous guards in the jail??!?!?!?

Cubaboy To Join Garda Reserve Force

2006-05-23T12:24:00.000+01:00

As of August 25 of this year I will be a full member of the Garda Reserve force. I volunteered yesterday at Angelsea Garda Station and should begin my initial training at the start of July. I will be among the first wave of volunteer guards to hit the streets this year culminating in upto two hundred by the end of next year. It was really a natural progression for me, after all I've had a deep resentment for authority all my life and I will be taking this opportunity to even up a few old scores.

Bad Cops Bad Cops, Whatcha Goin A Do When They Come For You

Even though I will start out at a fairly junior level I hope to work my way up to the level of "dirty cop", taking bribes, administering beatings etc. I'd also like to take this opportunity to tell you all not to come up to me on the street and ask for directions, or the time or any other auld shite you might need help with, I won't be that kind of garda.

I conclusion I'd like to prewarn the following people that I will be settling old scores in the next year to eighteen months: JD, IH, RS, Fr F O'D, DM, Judge I MC and the entire cast of Batchelors Walk!!

Beware Tailgater's On The Mallow Road

Hot fucking, teenage pussy's, gay, lesbien, hole, Lindsay Lohan's Hole,

Disaster For Loser Gamers

2006-05-16T12:34:00.000+01:00

Disaster today as organisers of the annual E3 fair at the hulking LA Convention Centre decided to ban hot, scantily clad chicks advertising games at the convention (click here for more). This could spell disaster for hundreds of thousands of young, ugly socially retarded men who's only contact with the oposite sex, apart from their mothers, is at these kinds of shows. One avid gamer, who I've called James D, said "This is a disaster, now I only have my hard drive of downloaded porn of sate my increasingly perverse tastes".

Hot Chicks With Snakes....I Don't Care What She's Selling But I'm Buying

These "penis fly traps" as I call them are typically scantily-clad actress-waitress-whatever employed to loiter near a booth at a trade exhibition. Upon spying or being approached by a typically young male showing advanced signs of geekdom, the babe will engage the geek in conversation, normally of a flirtatious nature. Almost immediately, the relationship will be consummated with a photograph of geek and babe entwined, before the geek hands over large amounts of money for something produced by the booth babe's employer.

Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Brad Pitt, Simpsons Sex, Theo Wallcott, England, World Cup

Dave's Dictogram

2006-05-15T07:49:00.000+01:00

Once in a generation we are priviliged to witness the work of a great artist. The 1920's had Picasso, the renaisance had Da Vinci and now we have Dave. The following dictogram is more than just a series of crudely drawn pictures of nake ladies and farm animals and more a window into the soul of a tortured, drunken man.

Please post your guesses and collect your prize at Dave's shop.

What to Do With Your SSIA

2006-05-09T07:47:00.000+01:00

Time for this weeks dictogram and I've decided that the auld dictograms need a bit of an overhaul. So instead of questioning the sexuality of my current readers I've decided to question the sexuality of former and non readers. Enjoy.

Holy Blood, Holy Shit

2006-04-27T15:08:00.000+01:00

News this week that the judge that presided over the plagary case between The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown and the authors of The Holy Blood And The Holy Grail has inserted a secret code in his judgment of the case. Apparently the code is cleverly hidden with an italicsed letter at the start of each odd word. All this beggars the question, what is the stupidest thing you have ever done whilst bored at work.

I remember a rather simian work colleague and I devised a similar code breaking game in which we used hireoglyphs to convey off sentiment and crude messages to each other. The ciphers kept us going for many's the long afternoon.

Return Of The Mack

2006-04-26T07:48:00.000+01:00

After my prolonged absence due to laziness I've deceided to return in typically low brow fashion with a Dictogram (TM). Post your answers to be entered into a draw!!

Shit Actress + Flash Baps = Oscar

2006-03-29T12:30:00.000+01:00

I watched the film The Constant Gardner the other night, I won't go into details about the film but suffice as to say it's about the little man standing up against big business and not as the title suggests a show about a feen who's obsessed by flowers. Afterwards I discussed the film with an associate of mine who had also seen the film. I opined that the film was ok but nothing special, my associate agreed and wondered how Rachel Weisz had received an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her performance. Well this set me thinking, not to say she didn't deserve the Oscar or anything, but it wasn't as stellar a performance as say when she appeared in The Mummy, or to a lesser extent The Mummy Returns.

Upon extensive investigation I have discovered that several mediocre actresses have won Oscars for seriously dodgy films over the past few years for merely exposing themselves. Shall we look at the evidence???

The aforemanetioned Ms Weisz got her milkers out in The Constant Gardner.....bang Oscar

Charlize Theron got the boys out in the 2003 film Monster.....Kapow Oscar

Hally Berry got the lot out in the 2001 film Monsters Ball........zapf Oscar

Angelina Jolie probably got her baps out in Girl Interupted.........ping pang Oscar

and finally and probably most dodgy of all Gwyneth Paltrow "stared" in Shakespeare in Love, horsed out her paps and........gazonga Oscar.

Next year I would like to see the following actress honored

Jessica Alba - Best Supporting Oscar
Scarlett Johansen - Best Actress
Eva Longhoria - Special Oscar For Services To The Film Community
Kate Hudson - BAFTA for Blonde Hair

Most Condescending Man In Ireland Named Head Of Road Safety Authority

2006-03-28T12:35:00.000+01:00

THE most annoying, condescending man in Ireland was last night named head of the Road Safety Authority. Yes, the man everyone would like to shove a rusty shank into, and auld wan's favourite, Gay Byrne will soon be telling us what to do in that special pedantic way of his. The verteran broadcaster who himself has never sat a car driving test said yesterday "It is an outrage at the moment that there are upwards of 450,000 people driving on the roads of Ireland who are not entitled to do so", so presumably he'll be taking the taxi from now on. Byrne also admitted to "driving from the age of 14", which is also illegal (the legal age is 16). Mr Byrne has previously campaigned on the subject of peoples seeming inability to prounce their "S's" to his liking.

If I may be so bold I would like to question the appointment of someone who not only has no apparent qualifications for such a job or for that matter any right to actually drive legally on the road. But apart from all the pertinent facts there is no way in hell that anybody is going to take a blind bit of notice of that smug fucker. In fact the deaths on Irish road will probably skyrocket!!

Smug Fucker

Cubaboy Genuinely Blown Away By Apathy To Site

2006-03-23T12:27:00.000Z

Well what a mediocre response to my last request I must say. Not since Fred West asked his kids who's next has there been such a low key response. Or maybe you want me to make good on my threat of posing nude next to common household goods, I suppose it would give you a better idea of girth anyway!!

Well having said all that the response was as good as I could have expected considering only two people (who don't come looking for nude pictures of Scarlet Johansen) actually visit this site. Your responses are welcome and some of are actually workable, why at this very minute I'm engaged in a major story concerning a well known military figure, which I shall bring to your ears as soon as I fugure out how to upload sounds.

All this has left me in a rather awkward position, for you see I predicted I'd get no responses and last evening I went out to my back garden and took hard core sex pictures!!! Now I must warn anyone who is under 18, of mild constitution or likely to get offended easily and go on the Joe Duffy/Niall Prenderville show and complain, THESE PICTURES ARE FUCKING RANCID!!!

Read on at your own peril

This is a picture of my compost bin, if you look closer you can see one of my balls

This is a picture of my garden shed, upon closer inspection you can see my big, hard tool

I NEED YOUR IDEA'S

2006-03-21T15:03:00.000Z

As a loyal reader of this site I value your thoughts and suggestions, no matter how unworkable or downright idotic they may be. And it's in that vein that I would welcome your idea's on how to make this site all it can be!!!

Now I've toyed with the idea of inventing some mythical military internet persona for myself (see below), I've toyed with the idea of photoshopping celebreties heads onto porn stars bodies in suggestive positions, hell I've even contemplated doing some auld nonsense about Jesus, but to be honest I just don't have the imagination.

So starting tomorrow, in lieu of any better suggestions, I will start a feature called Steve's World, where I take pictures of inanimate objects around my house in the nude. Yes, objects, me, nude.
Graphic pictures which are guarenteed to turn the stomach of even the sickest pervert.

So if you don't want to be subjected to this fate worse than death enter my competition and win my old pc that I'm probably throwing out.

Me With My Head Horribly

Enlarged After Secret Military

Testing

The REAL Story Behind The Dublin Riots

2006-03-03T15:08:00.000Z

A friend of mine in the alternative underground media sent this picture onto me today giving details surrounding the the real story behind the Dublin riots. You won't hear this story in any of the mainstream media due to collusion with sinister forces. I'm not one to spread panic among the masses but this shit's going to get heavy so if you have any loved ones kiss them goodbye and head for the hills as I am preparing to do this very afternoon. Goodbye and good luck, by fuck we're going to need it!!!!

Colonel Creedon Laid Low By Bird Flu

2006-03-02T09:55:00.000Z

Colonel Ciaran Creedon was last night receiving treatment in a Cork hospital for a suspected case of Avian Influenza. Colonel Creedon is thought to be the first human to contract the disease in Western Europe. Details remain sketchy at the moment but it is theorized that the Colonel's Rice Krispies may have been poisoned by a member of a radical north Cork branch of Al Queda.

The Colonel In Happier Times

Little is known about the reclusive Colonel and self styled hardman. It is thought that he lives in a Castle in the Dillions Cross area of the North Inner City. This is the latest in a number of shocking revelations about the Colonel, only last month pictures were released of the Colonel sleeping in a hyperbollox chamber which he believes gives him "special" powers. It is also believed that the Colonel is a self publicising propagandist with several pictures of hime believed to be photoshoped.

This latest set back will not help the Colonel in his battle against the gathering forces in the North of the county with incursions already happening on a daily basis

Riots On The Streets Of The Capital

2006-02-28T09:57:00.000Z

A special report from Ulick McCracken from the Mallafornia Tribune

There were riots in the streets of Mallaforia (the capital of North Cork) over the weekend following a missile strike by allied forces under the command of Colonel Creedon. All the missiles fell short of their targets apart from one stray missile which hit what was believed to be a Japanese Eye doctors office. Nobody was injured in the strike but hundreds of Japanese Eyes in Mallafornia may go untreated unless a quick solution can be found.

A Doctors office partially destroyed in the attack

The misile launch sparked riots in the provincial capital with many of the protestors calling for a Jihad against the ruling Cork City military junta.

The missile strikes were thought to be as a result of a failed suicide bomb attack in the western outskirts of Cork City last week when the suicide bomber failed to detonate his load.

My New Hobby

2006-02-24T12:15:00.000Z

As a frequent visitor to this site you may already know that I have joined the Malafornia cell of Al Quieda. It all started inocently enough a few weeks ago when I was approached by an Islamic looking gentleman outside Super Valu on the main street asking if I was interested in seeing the world? Well as you know I'm a keen traveller (not the pavee kind thank you very much). Well we got to talking and decided to continue our comversation in the local mosque and it was there that I decided to become a Muslimist. I think what swung it for me was their ability to be offended by the simpliest of cartoons and their ability to raise a mob of screaming Arabs at a moments notice. I was also hugely impressed by their ability to get the words Happy Christmas banned in America and parts of England and they're objection to Santa Claus. The local Al Quieda leader Mahmoud said that if my first suicide mission works out good then there could be further opportunities down the line. I guess what I'm most pleased about is finally finding a group of people who seem to appreciate me for me. I mean I can say any kind of shit to them and they just mutter something in Arabic and then they all laugh uproariously. You know what? I really think this is going to work out

QC Data 2

2006-02-23T15:09:00.000Z

As all three of you who intentionally read this page know once upon a time I worked in a shit hole called QC Data. In this magical place you had your usual mix of fuck ups, satan worshippers, hole lickers and a few decent enough people. I took shit in this place for three years. After working my hole off for two and a half of those years and after being passed over for several promotions I left and joined what I though was to a new dawn, in the guise of A*******. Ahhh, little did I know that I was going from the frying pan to the absolute fucking fire. Every bad thing that happened to me in QC has happened here except multipled by two. The management are twice (at least) as incompetent, the hole lickers are twice as pernicious and now to top it all they're offering the golden opportunity of secondement to a foreign office. Now as ye all know they've already picked the people that they want to go and they'll go through the show of offering it to everybody.

So I suppose what I'm asking for this week is suggestions in how best to kill forty people in a large ground floor office with five exits off the main production floor that will be as painfull as possible for the peole involved......not me obviously. My current plan is a dog shit and broken bottle bomb.

Frenzy Of Activity Since I Published Pictures Of Nude Celebreties

2006-02-14T10:02:00.000Z

Since I published those naked pictures of Scarlet Johansen and Kiera Knightley my blog has been inundated with perverts the world through. As you can see from my diagram below the usual suspects feature highly (ie Us and Uk), but most surprisingly of all is the large rise in Middle Eastern perverts.

There may be a collerary between the rise of fundamentalist Islamism and the viewing of porn on t'internet....at least that's what I reckon. If you're a Jihadist and you wish to exercise your opinion please do.....or if your'e a pervert who's disappointed with the pictures please vent your frustration!!!!!

Naked Pictures Of Scarlett Johansen & Kiera Knightly

2006-02-08T15:03:00.000Z

I think it would be remiss of me in the current political climate not to publish the above picture. I am publishing this picture not becaue I am poking fun at anyone's belief's, I am publishing to provoke debate and to protect my right to freedom of speech.

I believe that all cultures, be they Christian or Other, will come together over this picture and put other images aside in a spirit of togetherness.

I am also running a competition for contributors who possess other such pictures, be they photoshopped or otherwise to post said pictures.....all in the name of freedom of speech of course!!

Start A Nightclass In '06

2006-02-06T12:32:00.000Z

It's that time of year again when there's a bit of a stretch in the evening and people are venturing out again and discovering the delights of a Spring evening stroll. It's also the time when your local secondary school starts enrollment for night classes such as "Macrame for Thelidamide's" and "Mould Appreciation For Beginners". Well not to be outdone I've decided to put something back into my community by running a "Self Offense" class.

Now I don't mean I teach you to go around and call yourself a Bollox and hit yourself, no, in my special ten week course I teach you the ancient art of Self Offense. During time I spent with a family of Irish Gypo's, or "pavees" as they like to be known, I learned the age old art of Self Offense. From the subtle Testicle Gouge to the more invasive Thumb In The Hole. Whether your just a beginner or a more advanced student I have a class to suit you. And Self Offense isn't just a physcial art, no, by simply not washing for several weeks and rolling in dog shit it's amazing just how many people will avoid you.

In these uncertain days when danger lurks around every corner you must be able to defend yourself and your family. Well what better form of defense than attack. Now Cubaboy's Self Offense (Tm) is menat to be used only in situations where it's absolutely necessary but I'm not too strict so if you want to run up behind an auld dear and give her my pattened running kick to the back of the knee then I won't be too bothered. In fact I'd encourage it, you never know when the aged will stop you on the street and attempt conversation. I'd like to see and auld biddy pass the time of day whilst grasping the part of her body where her knee used to be.

Classes begin at eight next Tuesday night in Mallow GAA hall. Students and OAP's need not apply and there's a concession for hot women in leotards.

Crash or Trash

2006-01-30T14:57:00.000Z

I seen this film over Christmas called Crash and it's been eating away at me ever since. Everything I've heard about it seemed positive so I decided yet again to give some of my hard earned money to those Hollywood shitbags. The film is basically about a bunch of seemingly unconnected people who, in a contrived fashion are made to be connected. Now the film is supposed to be about racism in THE most racist country in the world, America, but actually none of the people in the film are racist.......they're just very, very nasty people......every single person is dispicable and had no reedeming features. Even the ones who seem good are not.

What is this film trying to say to us, that we're all racist??? Well that's a rather glib argument, a bit like saying every man is a potiential rapist because he has a dick, then every woman is a potiental whore becuase she has the ecoutrement to be one. This is a nonsense arguement and only serves to make even semi intelligent people resent the implication and lends nothing to the debate.

I think the actors who got paid for this one were subscribing to the theorey of Kate Winslet in Ricky Gervais's vehicle Extras, when she opined that to be in a film about Jews/Concentration Camps was a sure fire hit come Oscar time. A movie about racism in America is the same.

This film is THE biggest pile of trash I've seen last year.

Crash has been Nominated for 2 Golden Globes and will be nonimated for several Oscars

Bad News For Our English Cousins

2006-01-17T15:04:00.000Z

Unfortunate news for any lonely, ugly, fat bastards who live in England today where that facist Labor government have pledged to crack down on the hoors. Full story here.

It's a poor state of affairs when 'Big Brother' wants to take the work out of some peoples mouths. An acquaintance of mine who lives in the the greater Hull area has told me that he is single handedly keeping four different hoors as well as two pimps in business. This has to be contributing to the local economy, in pharmaceuticals alone. And what of all the STD clincs, my friend said that he's had the clap three times last year alone.

A recent police report stated that 60% of their time is spent sorting out 'Ho fights', if we rid our streets of ho's there will be massive layoff's in the police.

I beg you, please contact Tony Blair and attempt to stop him from banning hoors.

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